Saturday, December 20

How could that be my best trait?!

Complete sincerity: You believe in being
straightforward with others, and you expect the
same from them. People would consider you a
good listener, and one who is calm and mostly

Which Characteristic From the Samurai Code Matches You Best? (You may find out your best trait)
brought to you by Quizilla

Thursday, December 18


Baubels- You're rounded. And shiny.....and you
hang..hmm sounds familiar..

+~(What Christmas Decoration Are You?)~+
brought to you by Quizilla


You're Skittles!!! You have a very interesting
personality, you're so unique. You're the kind
of person who always thinks outside of the box.
You're also a very accepting individual, and
believe in inner beauty.

Which kind of candy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Wednesday, December 17

ahhh, much more vague...that's better

You are the creation of the mad genius Dr.
Frankenstein. You are considered his monster.
Stitched together with the flesh of corpses you
were brought back to life by a machine of life
your creator used to generate the power of
lightning to give you life. Possessing the
brain of a murderer yet the intelligence of a
child, you are a lonesome creature who has no
real freind, only terrified foes.

Which Classic Movie Monster Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Tuesday, December 16

I'd disagree, but who's listening?!

You are an Atheist, you dont believe in any god/s,
just whats tangible. You are faithless, and
most likely correct in your view of the world.

What Is Your True Religion?
brought to you by Quizilla

Sunday, December 14

Here's a link to Asian astrology...But now, about me, of course....

and then...(sign)

The Dragon is one of the most powerfuland lucky Signs of the Chinese Zodiac. Its warm heart makes the Dragon's brash, fiery energy far more palatable. This is a giving, intelligent and tenacious Sign that knows exactly what it wants and is determined to get it. Dragons possess a certain natural, charming charisma that ensures they can always influence their peers and often find themselves the center of attention in social situations. This Sign is truly blessed, too; Dragons are considered to be very lucky in love! The Dragon's friends are always keen to hear what this forefront has to say and when it comes to dispensing advice, the Dragon has the floor.

Its ego can get in the Dragon's way, but even so, this larger-than-life creature has a knack for initiating projects and keeping the troops motivated. According to Dragons, it's their natural born right to lead the way-- because who else could do it so surely and so well? As lucky as they are, Dragons have a good chance of achieving considerable material wealth during their lifetimes, although it isn't mere money that's this Sign's main motivation. Power is what the Dragon wants and truly believes it deserves. Dragons are quite the opportunists, forever searching for ways in which to consolidate their considerable power. Contrary to all this strength and fire, a weakened Dragon is a sad sack, a creature that refuses to take defeat with even a modicum of grace.

The role of leader is the only one the Dragon wants, the better from which to give orders and be king of the hill. They make solid leaders, too, knowing instinctively what needs to be done to stay on top. Crossing the Dragon is never a good idea -- this beast can singe! A valuable life lesson for this clever creature would be to absorb the principles of flexibility, compassion and tolerance. Being high and mighty can serve to inspire others, but it also keeps Dragons from living their lives to the fullest. If Dragons can learn to balance their quest for success with an appreciation for the little things, their life will be more than worthwhile.

and then....(element)

Those of you born under the influence of the Chinese ElementFire burn through life with your fierce charm, your impulsive enthusiasm and your restless emotions. A natural leader, you inspire with your decisive action and dramatic expression; people can't help but be magnetically drawn to you. Where will you lead your followers? Likely into an exciting adventure of some sort. You're instinctual, but your mind sparks with new ideas and clever solutions.

In love, you're highly-charged -- even combustible at times! Hot tamales to the core, these dynamic individuals can see straight to the heart of an issue and make it work for them. You may seem single-minded, but you just refuse to be swayed from a cause they believe to be important.

and then.....(one day-- this week)

You'll have an intuition of things and people and at the same time an understanding of reality. You'll become easily impatient, irritable, changeable, but everything will turn out well after one or two good nights of sleep. You can achieve a great success in your work. It would be suicidal to live above your means. Many choices and decisions will be of your responsibility for you'll be very much solicited by your entourage; you'll assume your role gallantly and with success.

and then.....(Chinese Scorpio)

If you have Mars in Scorpio, you may have been told that you are magnetic, extremely desirable, and very intense. You are capable of reaching into the depths of human experience and bringing them forth in a concise and controlled way. Determined and self reliant, you are courageous and have no qualms about going after what you want. A little bit of James Bond may lurk somewhere in your soul, providing you with fabulous foolproof plan after plan, one always more ingenious than the next. You may even outwit yourself at times! You are able to remain focused in situations that take patience and perseverance. You are powerful and transformative. Overwhelming odds can be overcome by someone with this placement! You offer emotional depth to your relationships and are happiest when others provide you with what you are seeking.

and then.......(in the year of the goat)

Dragon's Overview
This year, you will become more sure of yourself and assert your originality, especially in your career, where your qualities will be acknowledged by your superiors and colleagues. But you'll also have the tendency to adopt overly radical positions at times; try to be more moderate. Beware: By refusing to make concessions, you'll antagonize even those who only want to help you! Expect luck to smile upon you.

Saturday, December 13

funny, kinda...

You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a
little bit cocky and usually associated with
evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You
probably just don't give a damn,but it's
everyone else's fault if you don't because
you're too awesome to have any real faults.

What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

And I always thought I had just had big smiles...

Friday, December 12

It's been too long...

I have to share something more personal that poetry and quizzes every now and then. So, what we're going to do tomorrow night, brain, is try and take over the world, one house at a time. It seems best to start with my own.

Things can get pretty crazy with the half a dozen people here. I'm not complaining, really, but everyone else is. It's a den of gossip, conspiracy, and lies...and if that's not redundant enough, I don't know what is. I don't know what's worse: all the damn kids or all the damn BS. Now let me say, they're all college age, and leave it at that.

Anyway, I finally couldn't take anymore, of any of it. Everyone got a hefty dose of Toys worst medicine (I don't mean laughter!). Would you believe I even gave these rants/speeches/tirades with notes or paper? Impromptu never felt so damn good. I was surprised to see things change only took a couple days to notice all the things that didn't. But it's not a war, just a myriad of neverending battles. The more I fix, the more complaints I hear. I guess the problems were there before, but I hadn't heard them. But now that the honest airing of grievances has begun, I certainly can't stop it. I guess we just need a lil' more back-scratching. It even seems to rub-off on all those who enter. It's more contagious than the flu that they've all had the past few weeks.

Today's moral: You can't please everybody all the time, but you can help those who bitch the loudest....What a nice customer-service-friendly attitude -- how seasonal.

Thursday, December 11

Not again

Your William Burroughs, the hard man of hip! Your controversial and intent upon revolution!
William Burroughs

What classically cool poet or writer are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I don't understand why I keep getting characters I don't particularly like. Perhaps I need to examine my own character better before I go on. If my quizzes have told me anything, it must be annoying.

Wednesday, December 10

some very freshman stuff...

The man I may fall in love with

He'll be strong and cute
Not the kind who
believes in silly myth
But not afraid
to play the flute
He'll believe in me
And I in him

Always ready to enjoy
a good spot of tea
Not too tall and not too slim
I want him smart
But not so much
that makes me feel dumb
To be just right
he's to have a good heart
And not get too excited
when I kiss his thumb

Hair of golden brown
Eyes of deep blue or green
Buttocks firm and round
Broad shoulders on which I can lean
Caressable nipples
Soft perked nose
Cute, but subtle dimple
Muscles in nicely isolated rows

All of these things would be hot
But all I really need to have
In my real man
Is love

He must have humor and truth
Give it all he's got
Be able to cheer me when I'm blue
And for this, my promise is simple
to love him, a lot

Tuesday, December 9

in my own lil' coffee house...

Stop the world, I want to get off
It revolves around me anyway
So, why not?
All that's necessary
is for me to say o.k.
It doesn't take a lot.

Something almost scared me,
But I'll never tell
So, would you please, say
just let me go free?
It's a living hell
I walk around more
on the world everyday
But it's just not right
Seems there's a lil' somethin'
amiss in every way

Spirits are not indeed
happy and light
now we're only gay or straight
And no one's having fun

No matter where I look
I see pure hate
No more words, just a gun

Black and white
forced to live together
But will and do not

Men and women marry
and kill whatever the whether
And hey, why not?

Humans, the ultimate game
are hunted everywhere
makes ya kinda wonder
about those fish

All these and many more
but I gotta worry, look
about my hair - mouse
'Cause I only love one wish

Stop the world, I want to get off
I have my happy one
lil' coffee house
If there's a problem-thing
It won't exist there

Some say it's the same
But I don't care,
I got my wish
I got off the world

When I came
into my door
I made them stop
though they fight

Because in here
there's no need
to smoke any more

Monday, December 8

...but I coulda sworn it was erased...

Amateur movie! You might not be too experienced in
the way of sex...but chances are, you do enjoy
it (or the thought of it). We'll probably see
you in some home video that surfaces on the
internet one day.

What kind of porno would you star in?
brought to you by Quizilla

Sunday, December 7

I like it, but I'm not getting a nose ring...

You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.

What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla

Saturday, December 6

You should be dating a Pisces.
19 February - 20 March
Your mate is loving and caring, trusting and
hospitable, and romantic. Though he/she can be
self-pitying, temperamental or dependent, the
fishes are quite romantic in bed.

What Zodiac Sign Are You Attracted To?
brought to you by Quizilla

I only post this because it's too funny to keep to myself. All of my life, there's only been one sign that I've avoided -- with a passion. It's not too ironic, is it?!

Thursday, December 4

Quizzes can matter; and god's a game

This site frustrated me because I couldn't get a perfect score. I know I should have been satisfied with one mere hit, but I had to try for better. Please, let me know if you can top it.

It sounds more like a war than a quiz, but call it what you will, just try it. I'm not sure how to explain it, so, for once, just trust me, and try

Wednesday, December 3

Perhaps, I am biased, but...

Here's the best new blog. It's freshly published, and far more professional-looking than mine. It's listed below, but for the lazy. I learned a lot, especially about transexuals. But don't worry, it's safe-fun for has to be, my lil' brother did it (and we all know how innocent I think he is).

Tuesday, November 25

(spawn to the previous poem)

My love for you is like a tree
when we first met you planted a seed
now my blossums are ready to burst free
because you've finally given me just what I need

The feeling I kept inside grew strong and spread
now what I feel can not be stopped
because of those 3 words that you finally said
now my desires, with whipped cream, will be topped

The bottom of my heart is deep and warm
my arms reach out far and wide to you
what I feel for you is way beyond the norm
but I want to do everything else too

You are my sunshine, my water, my air
without you I'd never survive
I yearn for you to run you fingers through my hair
when you're near you make me feel alive

You bring out the essence of beauty in me
You watch me all year round
and love every move I make, no matter what it may be
It's in your arms, the true me can be found

(This one led to that first poem...I liked it better, but we can't ever forget our inspirations.)

perfect world

It was a perfect year
all the normal elements
summer, winter, spring, and fall
rain, snow, sleet, and sun

The flowers bloomed and left
The skies dried then wept
beauty came and went

Love seemed heaven sent
joy and pain were hand in hand
hate and peace mingled as one
children did it all, adults only attempted fun

The grasses grew strong, but mild
visicious animals roamed in the wild
The days are long then short
seems every human must attend a court
disarguments in land and air
as simple as a boy cutting a girl's hair

It's always the same
though at times we create a different name
but we take it all in stride
It's getting worse every day
but we won't change, I'm sad to say

Just be true to your nature and soul
don't worry about how the worlds unfold

Thursday, November 20

yeah, ok...

You are Lobo.
Lobo is an alien humanoid being from the planet
Czarnia. Born in the Earth year 1599, Lobo is
6'4", 250 pounds, with red eyes and black
hair. Lobo is the last surviving member of his
race, because he killed almost every other
Czarnian on a whim one day. Lobo's favorite
color is Sepucher Black. He is a man of his
word, who would rather kill the promisee than
renege. He also loathes the following: square
jaws, goody-goodies, democracy, flags, the
philosophy that Good will always triumph over
Evil, short hair, brown shoes, Equality for
Women, Equality for Men, basic rights, and most
everything else that is commonly considered

What Gritty No Nonsense Comic Book Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


America is all around me
but that's not the only place I want to be
to be a patriot it must be inside my heart
I want it like this 'cause it's how I'll play my part

I want to kiss you and never stop
If you won't let me, I'll never get on top
I want to hold you tight
Forever and ever, especially late at night

From sea to shining sea
It's for you, I''d get down on one knee
from east to west, and left to right
at the end of every tunnel, you are my light

I wish for world peace,
but it's here with you war must cease
Let's rid pollution in air, water, and land
'cause all I wanna do is just hold your hand

You are the world to me
When I think if you, it's then that I can truly see
the dream you've made come true
The dream I have of me and you

You made my blood run cold and hot
but it doesn't matter, especially if I'd smoke pot
It's you I' always devote my undying love
because you fit me like a glove

I wanna roam free
on mountains, through valleys, in every tree
I'll fight for you in any kind of danger
I stand up whenever someone has caused you anger

I'm proud to be an American
because you are my one and only true human
I'm yours to have and to hold,
even when you're millions of years old

I'll stand by your side
and love you with pride.
When I wonder what it is I plan to do
I see the birds, hum the bees, buzz, and the cows, moo

I'll never commit treason
so don't give me reason
I'll never leave the United States
even though it's you who hesitates

If you ever left, I'd become a nun
So please, please don't take away my fun
I want to plant a tree, build a home, and live forever
on your vital soil, figure that out if your so clever.

....This all used to mean something. (Now it just sounds kinda mixed up)

Wednesday, November 19

The Rips Just Keep-on Comin'...

I am a Man
She was a girl
so full of strange

I walked in the room
saw her by the window
one brief glance
and I thought
she wanted to jump

I made my way to her side
even if I couldn't stop her
I still wanted to see her fall
what a great story
for the grandkids

As I got closer
I saw why
she was leaning out
pure essence
of beauty, life, love,
peace and happiness
all blurred into one

It made me want
to jump as well
just to reach out into that
to be there seemed
the ultimate euphoria
I had to touch it,
hold it, smell it just once

"Hello" invaded this world
I noticed I was on the verge
of falling out
I came back
to both flat ground and
reality, as I replied
"Nice view" she said
I agreed
and we both turned
back to look again

She wasn't so strange after all
but I'm still just a man

Tuesday, November 18

Another old untitled song rip...

And he came to a door
and he looked inside
to his mild surprise
what did he see,
but a glass pitcher
with a reflection of me
he turned ever so quickly
but too late to see
the vision for which
he had hoped and prayed
she just wasn't there

She couldn't have stayed
it was yet another
fantasy which his
mind had made
he cried at night
though it was more in fright
and terror
not for the loss of his lover

When she said she must leave
he just couldn't believe
he argued and reasoned,
she just walked out the door
so much for that special season
she left behind a photograph
and a diamond ring
she just couldn't take it anymore

Though he loved her
with all his heart
as did she
things were so bad,
she didn't know where to start
the lying and fighting
the crying and betrayal
just never seemed to end
there was no flower to send
no broken heart to mend
it was over the love was lost
as though the trash
had been tossed
he wasn't ready
and neither was she
she knew and so did he
but to admit it had always been
a travesty

She did
he didn't like it
he swore he'd change
no more skanky friends over
looking as though they had mange
he'd house break Rover
he'd never lie
and never drink
all he wanted to do was talk
and think

It's too late
we must move on
why and why and why
I hate you so much
even your toenails stink
It's for the best
I promise, I think
good-by and don't worry

Out this door she went
he yelled I'm sorry
too late
no more
he started to follow after
then deep in his soul
came a howling laughter
he was scared
of demons or Satan
but realized that
with this girl he
should not be matin'
He'd be o.k.
at that point he knew
though today
he's still oh-so-blue
comes home everyday
with a hope of a dream
that things will return
to that way
with her in his arms

But she's not
and he'll be o.k.
just as soon as these
damn feelings go away
he still hurts inside
even thought of turning gay
but tonight he's got a date
with a fine young Philly
who'll just do it to him again
but for now, that's alright
no matter how silly
he likes his sin
even if he doesn't every night
time is healing

But so is that sexual feeling
he's happy
or will be soon
and that's all that matters
let the day come
when something else matters,
he tries to think
but the message just isn't
getting through
to deep inside
for now he'll just keep on
looking inside
that door he sees
'cause that's how it works
no special quirks he'll go on
and so will she
It's the way it has to be

Monday, November 17

Yet another tasteless quiz...

I am Diarrhea .

Diarrhea's are by far the most humorous of all the shits going for the big laugh at all costs. From fart jokes to slapstick humor Diarrhea's are know for pulling out the stops when it comes to shits and giggles... though Diarrhea's do have their down sides.. And like the sad clowns they are, Diarrhea's are actually dying inside and prone to suicide and even murder...
What Kinda Shit Are You?

Friday, November 14

Not straight-edge, hmmm....

hardcore drinker
OcCasIoNaL DrInKeR.... you drink when the time is
right, when you need a boost, or when the
alcohol is free. you never crave it, or depend
on it and you are smart when you drink... you
are the perfect medium

:: how much of an alcoholic are you? ::
brought to you by Quizilla

...anyway, my shelf is just a little bigger.

Wednesday, November 12

Now, that's the kinda surprise I like:


What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Now it makes sense....that must be why my dad always called me a monkey!

Thursday, November 6


There's technically 24 hours left until I'm 27 (10:15 pm ~11/07/76). In Carlin homage, I'd have to say: 'so far, it's the oldest I've been.' And I mean that, really. It doesn't feel too much more significant than that -- and that's o.k.. It's a good age still...I don't feel old, yet. The celebration began early with dinner(Chinese) and shopping and cake (ginger with butterscotch)....followed by lots of And later I think we're gonna play some Euchre. So far a pretty good pre-birthday...And I'm sure the rest will be just as well. !Espere feliz cumplean~os!

Wednesday, November 5

"I'm an asshole (probably male!)"

YOU ASSHOLE!! Congratulations, you are an ASSHOLE!
Probably male, you make a spectacle of yourself
wherever you go and probably annoy more people
than you delight. On the bright side, you have
some degree of self-awareness and probably
don't lie about it.

Are you a Fuckwit, Asshole, Bitch, or Psycho?
brought to you by Quizilla

Tuesday, November 4

O.K., I did that on purpose

You asked for my opinion when you clicked on my, here it goes....

Here's the best of all, forum, that is. Those others are fine and dandy, and I'll remaind dedicated, but there is one, one so great I dare not compare it. It merits a post all it's own. The most welcome bunch of wackos I 've found, aptly named ..... E-Psychoman. I thought it was a chatboard for Psyc students -- silly me (or would that be crazy, I always forget).

Anyway for what it's worth, there it is: the cream of the crop! So if you do just one forum, make it this it what you will....but do post until you get your fill!

This one's dedicated to Tommy, the RTB, IHOP, EHOWA, and those funny tasting vegans

I'm a Humor Poster!

brought to you by Quizilla

....and for the forum illiterate that dedication again: Tommy, the RTB, IHOP, EHOWA, and those funny tastin' vegans's all good!

Monday, November 3

well, at least I'm not bush...

You're Colin!
You are Colin Powell! You're the odd duck of
the Bush White House - the reasonable diplomat.
Every administration's got one!

Which member of the Bush Administration are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Wednesday, October 29

Good news

I keep forgetting to share my good news. I've known for over a week, but failed to mention it here. I have new room-mates, yeah! About a year ago, I got this huge house...for, my friend, Lanora, her boyfriend, J.P., her mpd mom, my brother, and me....I said it was big, didn't I. In fact it may well be the biggest place I've ever lived, but anyway...they all moved out, except Lanora. Well, Robert (the tall guy hugging Gallagher - pic right), never moved in, but that's another long story. So, there's been just 2 of us here, for months. But for my one year anniversary in this house - yes, Halloween! - I will have 2 new room-mates. The best news: they're friends, already. I really didn't want to rent to total strangers, but now we're getting 2 people we not only know, but like. It also means we'll have at least 4 computers in our network - I can't wait: oh, the power, the speed....the total system failure, um, maybe we can just skip that last part. So, ontop of a party Friday, I have a house to re-arrange and people to help move into it. And that which does not kill me makes me stronger, I hope.

Then, I guess there must also be some bad news - all's fair in love and war (and ehowa). I feel worn out at those messageboard/forums. I gave up a long time ago on trying to make people like me, I won't try, or lie anymore. Sometimes the truth hurts, and like I imagine could have affected them with my rants, they've retorted more crudely than I ever imagined. It seems I really can't win. It was the utmost witty/crude rhetoric I've experienced in awhile, and here I thought pissing-people-off was a good thing - at ehowa, anyway. As usual, I gave it my all, and that was way too much. One of these days I'll learn, won't I? Anyway, not today, not for awhile ... What a waste of drama!

So, I've got better things to do...And better people to do them with, like Thomas and Vanessa (the new couple of room-mates)...So, hasta luego ehowa, hasta luego...cuando me repongo - mas fuerte...

Tuesday, October 28

um, o.k.

You are Juan Moreno!!

Which Completely Random Person Are You!!
brought to you by Quizilla

Reality check

I thought it was about time to speak again...'cause I like it so much, but seriously because of all my webpage changes. I hope it's not too much, boy if I had a nickel....

My fave new thing is certainly the Gallagher pics, but I'm afraid their download time is adding too much weight. Problems...?, let me know...!

Otherwise, I hope you're enjoying, even though I know you can't possibly keep up with all the links.

So,, still sick, still don't know why, still stuck at home...thank god for Halloween! (can't forget that party Friday)

Monday, October 27

last one...really

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Striding along the terrain, wielding a meaty axe, cometh Brock! And she gives a booming grunt:

"I'm going to hump you for such a long time, Buddha will explode!"

Find out!
Enter username:
Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

had to you can't guess what i do next

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Stalking over the tarmac, wielding a piece of chainlink fence, cometh Veronica! And she gives a booming roar:

"I'm going to torment you until the laws of physics are violated!!"

Find out!
Enter username:
Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

is it a quizy kinda night?

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Who is that, stalking through the icy wasteland! It is Toys, hands clutching a thorned whip! And with a vengeful scream, her voice cometh:

"I'm going to blow a bullet-hole in you the size of God!"

Find out!
Enter username:
Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

what a shock...


Which Seinfeld Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

All the Same One

The ones I know
are all the same
I must know
for whom I search
if he's repeated
seemingly endlessly
in my life to see,
but not save
love, but not keep
but not reap,
the fruits of love

The nights, the same,
an A for effort,
yet always the same
out with the boys
and just a few drinks,
but always more
- too much
more of the same
ole ball 'n' chain
at work for love'll
drive anyone insane

Music played,
bells, chapels, birds,
whatever; it was,
it's over now
I never tried
so hard, or
wished so much,
and begged, even
more, for one more
favor for us

The world,
the spirit,
the mind, his only way
her only dynamism
cats and dogs
alive and gone
above and below
it all can only fit,
always and
in every way,
but in no way at all
at peace,
with joy,
or above alone.

Sunday, October 26

So Short

I want to fuck you
like an animal

no strings attached
pure unadulterated
passion and lust

no love, no caring
in and out
like a terrier in heat

utter ecstasy
will be reached
again and again

pleasure and pain
wrapped together
the next morning

no pain nor hurt
we knew what
we were doing
and now it's over

....Back when I was a mere teen, I loved to write poetry based-on or beginning with a line from a song. That week, my fave was NIN, but I don't think the poem has too much to do with the song.

Saturday, October 25

I Maybe Key

There's a place
so well hidden
so far away,
yet so near

It's a safe place
a serene place,
a place where
I need to go

It holds the key,
the key I need
to find my way
but to get there

I must find a key -
It's not a normal key
rather a special key

This key unlocks more,
more than you
could ever know

There are secrets
there are truths
and there are answers

Answers, truths,
and secrets
that I need
to know
want to know

It's not fair
that I can't go

If I find the key
will I find me,
but I'm right here
I shouldn't need a key

Friday, October 24

Where the wild things really are

They breed in the streets
in the dark air
under the lights so loud
walking along in flowing streets
without a worry or thought
almost as though they're proud
enjoying the scenery
in its brash subliminal truths
lookin for the next event to occur
unknowingly creating the lack of greenery
those superficial barbaric sleuths
that come out at evening to cause a stir

They follow the herd mindlessly and wild
wanting to be loved and accepted
acting rude and without a care
never dare to be mild
never be too perceptive
though they say it's so unfair
strive to be the best
try to fit in with one more Coors
at this after hours bar and the next
truly no better than all the rest
they're my friends and yours
so maybe it's time we all got a little more vexed
be truly wild as we claim
rather than simply being just the same

Wednesday, October 22

Hot Stuff

You are Form 0, Phoenix: The Eternal.

"And The Phoenix's cycle had reached
zenith, so he consumed himself in fire. He
emerged from his own ashes, to be forever

Some examples of the Phoenix Form are Quetzalcoatl
(Aztec), Shiva (Indian), and Ra-Atum
The Phoenix is associated with the concept of life,
the number 0, and the element of fire.
His sign is the eclipsed sun.

As a member of Form 0, you are a determined
individual. You tend to keep your sense of
optomism, even through tough times and have a
positive outlook on most situations. You have
a way of looking at going through life as a
journey that you can constantly learn from.
Phoenixes are the best friends to have because
they cheer people up easily.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Tuesday, October 21

Sex Runts

Sex is like a box of runts candy
for women anyway
There are 5 colors
pink, red, green, orange & yellow

The pink is shaped kinda like a heart,
so I guess this is your symbol for love
The real thing, utter ecstasy
there are never enough of the pink
and they taste the best

There are always a few more red ones
these are almost shaped like
a heart, but not quite
These taste pretty good, at first
then they get a little tart
sound familiar?

Then there's green,
well, that's simple enough
These sour balls weren't ready
to be eaten yet
Just pass over these and hold out
for the good ones

Next there's orange,
all bright and colorful
Just like the guy who's so full of
himself you could just puke,
which is the same feeling you get
after biting into one of these

Last, but definitely not least
is yellow, the banana
This one blows all around
it tastes rotten and yet,
sex, like runts,
is choked full of these

Monday, October 20

Why now?

I feel a very strong one
One of passion, but more
More than oh-so-easy fun
Fun all around, and floor

You gave me too much
Much more than I need
Needs will develop as such
Such you'll ask, else I'll plead

I can't get into it
It scares me the most
Most of all everytime you hit
Hit a homer, never boast

You show and prove it can
Can be your best, easy
Easily and completely a man,
Man who choose to tease me

I've never been so treated
Treats from you do so much, well
Well, I love how close and heated
Heat from those bodies in meld

I really don't like the title, any ideas?

Sunday, October 19


It started a few days ago
and it hasn't stopped yet
I'm getting tired, sore
I don't know what to do
I can't make it go away
It's best to just let it go
It seems to know what to do
and how to it - well I think,
or rather I don't think
I write, it flows, it burns
it matters, some, but more
More than I'd ever know
It's the most I've felt
In so very long and wonder
where did it go before
It could have left me
but I didn't mean to ignore it
It deserves all the attention
and cheer and room and time
but I forgot how or why
I choose not to sit with pen
and write with lead and cry
and laugh and understand
I'll never make others,
but I can reach something
by the end of ever passage
I know a new thought -
completely yet questionably
It's o.k., we got what's needed.

Thursday, October 16


What is it now

We make one
a new one
every time

Everytime it doesn't matter
yet we must do it

Again we're here
in the same position

One we tend into
again and again

Again and again
I'm in there

You're in there
yet we can't
we shall not

For some reason
for some ideal

Some silly song
to soothe the senses
calm the uncomfort

Fill the silence -
though so few

We have so few
and make them all

All of them
one and again
intervene and intrude
in life and in love

Come together
into life
but not into love

Infact life was later
as love was later

Each a year, or so
but both in time now
yet no one checks the clock

The time is now
but the moment's ignored

Ignored before, now, but later

Until when
must we
why must
we must and now

It's too long to wait for
not this, not that
these are exactly what

What we need
we need exact language

The language of us
and why not of us

It's for us to find
so find we must
this pretense - and now

Tuesday, October 14

I won; I won...

From the main menu in the Floatilla ... "Thanks to all you Felons and Fiends that entered this month's contest. Congratulations to Veronica Toys Brock (see her fan profile) on winning the Felons & Fiends contest. Click here to see the answers!"

Check it out...I still can't believe it. I got my winning bootlegs this weekend...there is nothing better than acoustic Holmes!

movin on (another kinda old one)

I came by today, but you were out
I just wanted to get some things
I'm not sure where, but oh well
you're not there, guess it'll have to wait
until another day when I come by
just to see if you've found anything
any thing I might've left behind.
I'm not quite sure what, but you'll know
I'm sure as soon as you see it -
It should be pretty big, because
I'm missing something pretty big
I'm just not sure of what it is
I had to have left it with you
You had everything there in that place
I didn't pack it with my clothes
or even with my books or utensils
I just don't know where to look but there
at your place, it's just got be there
In there somewhere among your things
What would you do if you found it
dusty mixed with your dirty clothes
Would you wash it, clean and dry
Just right, and crispy fresh, or not
Not my heart please don't touch it
Leave it alone til I get there, please.

Sunday, October 12

so am I redundant, yet?

morally deficient
Threat rating: Medium. Your total lack of decent
family values makes you dangerous, but we can
count on some right wing nutter blowing you up
if you become too high profile.

What threat to the Bush administration are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

If i was a serial killer i would be Albert Fish.

Albert Fish was a masochistic, pedophile obsessed with religious themes such as sin, sacrifice, and redemption through pain. It is believed that he would force his own children to beat him with a nail studded paddle until he bled. He would also stick nails underneath his finger nails,into his groin, his scrotum and his anus. He forced himself to eat feces and would stick alcohol soaked cotton balls up his anus and set them on fire.

Fish believed that God wanted him to castrate boys, which he would do over the course of many years, finally to be caught for kidnapping, murdering and eating a 10 year old girl. Fish claims to have molested over four hundred children. Police charged him with eight but suspect him on fifteen.

Kill count: unconfirmed

Find what serial killer you would be, Take the Serial Killer Quiz now!

new quiz? Or would that be, the last quiz...

I Will Die of Natural Causes.
Your choice of life style has enabled you to live a nice long life.. To eventually die of a stroke, or was it a heart attack.. Either way you out lived just about anyone that gave a shit about you anyway.. Congrats

Find out how you will die, Take the Death Quiz now!

Saturday, October 11

Ernie's House of Whoop A..

I mean it; I can't get enough of it. It's by far the most animated forum I have ever seen. My friend, Xyon, turned me on to it yesterday. I think I've been back to it almost a dozen times.

It's what sex ed class should have been...It's what presidential debates should be like...And it's what communication was meant for (among other things).

Anyway, you should check it out too. It'd be as good as the Floating Men forum, if only it were free. But it is free to check it out...and, once you get a taste, you'll keep coming back.

If soap opera's had real sex, it might approach the drama within this site. As it stands, I doubt there is anywhere else (legal) that you can have this much fun conversing.

Silly me, I always thought 'forum' was a bad word (politically, that is). Sometimes, it's good to be wrong...and if you're lucky, you just might like it. Give it a try, but don't blame me if it leaves a bad taste in your mouth...

Friday, October 10

O.K., last one today, I sware

Your element is Earth. I hate to say it but you are
down to earth. Stubborn and loyal. You tend to
want to nurture others and you are the one
person friends always come to for awnsers.
Without people like you others would be flying
over the edge because, whether you know it or
not you keep a steady beat to your life and
will end up where you want to in the end. There
is a sureness about you that is hard to match
that draws people to you. No matter what
happens the Earth keeps turning.

What's your element
brought to you by Quizilla

This one feels as likely as Morpheus. I like it, I really, really like it.

I guess now that I'm addicted to it, I should make some of my own...I can see it now...signs, colors, personality, numbers, character...and oh my, maybe later.

enlightening, if you have faith in Quizilla


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

idealism+sleep=good!....those are two things I often think I need more of.

A Muse, me?

Within the system
the temple of me
My story's inside
Inside the mix

I know not where
I know not how
I know not what
Whatever's the thing

The one that bites
and tugs and grabs
I can't grab it
It's here, right here
so close, very close
all-most, but not quite
I'll not quit it

Try it again, and
It will be there
right there, where
It always was
I could not look
I have to look

No matter what
I find, I can do
I deal with it
I'm ready to deal
So shuffle me in

...more recent poetry...yet always, searching, for something...

Thursday, October 9

when they're right, they're right....kinda erie

Your like me! Sorta weird! I know where I wanna be,
but you probably don't wanna be there! Many
places! I'd like to be in Utah, or I'd like to
go To Ireland! Ireland is so fastnating! :o)
I'm Irish, so even more fasinating! ^_^ I hope
this QUIZ didn't bore you to death! See, since
your like me, I'll give you my life story. Okay
I was born and rasied in a small town. Moved to
another small town! That is where I am now!
Then I was only four and now about thirteen. So
I have many crushes! And a few have rejected
me! :o) Then This year I picked up my new
faiort book of ALL time and read it! Now I'm
obsessed with the main charictor! :o) Life can
be soo short! Back to where you should
live.... You should pick your oun stuff! Do it
YOUR way! : ) ^_^ Rock on! :p! Have faith, the
Lord will guid you in the right direction!

Where should YOU live in the world?
brought to you by Quizilla

I was planning on Utah, right after Uruguay. And I am a bit Irish. And I seem fond of moving within circles of small towns. And of course, I always have some kinda faith.

oh, so that's what I'm doing wrong....

STAND UP: You are a natural stand-up comedian. You
watch the news with people, and when you give
your opinions, people start laughing. They are
not laughing at you, they are laughing because
what you say is so TRUE. The world is a very
funny place, full of natural comedy. All you do
is repeat various humorous things that you
notice from everyday life. Your unique
perspective on the world is what makes you so
funny. Of all the various comedy types, you may
be the funniest of them all!


How funny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

...I shouldn't be sitting down blogging, I should stand up (sayth Quizilla). Who knew?

Quizilla is fun, in a trivial kinda way...

Fun and spunky, you link, there for you are! This
is all fun and games, and you do what you
damned well please!

What kind of blogger am I?
brought to you by Quizilla

Wednesday, October 8

more from Quizilla...

Season = Winter
You're Most Like The Season Winter ...

You're often depicted as the cold, distant season.
But you're incredibly intelligent, mature and
Independant. You have an air of power around
you - and that can sometimes scare people off.
You're complex, and get hurt easily - so you
rarely let people in if you can help it. You
can be somewhat of a loner, but just as easily
you could be the leader of many. You Tend to be
negative, and hard to relate to, but you give
off a relaxed image despite being insecure -
and secretly many people long to be like you,
not knowing how deep the Winter season really

Well done... You're the most inspirational of
seasons :)

?? Which Season Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Poetic passive - aggression

So, What Values Do You Hold Onto?

Is Honesty seen
in the lights
that guide your way
or is it just
a dim light -
flickering in back
of your consciousness.

Perhaps, Friendship, then
It can find you too
on a sunny day playin' in grass
or it can leave you right there
in the same way, a haze of
Hot 'n' bothered and lost -
on your own ass
and definitely all alone, too.

Entertainment is it -
if you use it right
like the humane did
Ages ago we began
and today we still can, and do
weave a story tale
filled with half truths and
silly exaggerations -
ignore the forgotten reality land.

Is Learning how,
that which we want to be,
admirable to dynamically gain and grow,
good to know and think -
right thru mistakes, and
Bathe off wrong, by choosing to be.

How 'bout Respect
Respect your elders
Love Ms. Franklin, and
do unto others as you would them to you,
if not, then expect
at least the worst -
for your clansmen
if not, just your soul alone.

And Faith, sometimes
it disappears, yet
before our very eyes
What if you ever try to find it, now
and it's gone
It was right
where you left it,
but now it's not -
without blind trust how ever do I see you?

Forgiveness is divine
sayth the wise and pious.
One little word
can restore it all -
Dignity, honor, promise, and belief
joy and pain waste away
together without title
in secret lack of communication, and sin.

Patience is a virtue
not too virtuous with you
I have it, or had it
At least I often try to have it
Do I go get it -
so shall I wait and see
What the tendency can deliver unto me

Fears are clutched tightest
when held the closest
Imagination serves only one purpose
intertwining what's real
and what's really not -
concern grows as minds 'n' hands close.

Possessions of the world
or are they yours,
or are they mine,
or are they really anyone's at all.
They will own you
they must have you
they will rule you -
Do you, still, desire such a sucker?

Privacy often is
idle hands, and only
idle minds in a quarter,
of the private chambers of ourselves
wherever we can,
but that can lead
in any way, at all -
or, simply, drive you alone mad.

So, you wanna play Euchre?

Tuesday, October 7

If I post any more, it's gonna need it's own space...

Untitled (another sex poem)

You know what this world needs,
that's right another sex poem

Don't bother faking distaste
enjoy this life like you did last night
I saw your joy, lust, and little bit of pain
Don't ever say I'm too taboo
or simply turn you blue

Enjoy a good romp in the hay
Dont' worry as to whether or not it's o.k.

Jump up and down, pant and groan
make them weak, shiver and moan
Do it right or don't do it at all
It's not love without which you must fall

Go to a bar and have a drink there
take every chance to sit on his or her knee
Do use protection
and don't rape whenever you get an erection
stop closing your eyes
each time you regret opening your thighs
mean and understand what you do
Don't be so subtle, call a spade a spade and a screw a screw

You want whips and chains
Just be sure to see you doctor about
any internal pains
walk up straight shoulders broad and wide
show them all you have to offer, don't bother to hide

So, what's it all mean?

Recent Piece, a Fave

Here's a fun one:

What All We Learned; Why Do I Care

Simple are the little things inside
Things that are inside everywhere
but to you, no where at all
All of the basic simple cores ain't so thick.

Complex is what we all make it
You stay and fight, and die
but do you ponder ever - settle down
or just the ruler complex everywhere?

Sane finds you on a sunny day
Days, months, decades, or so
Your righthandman in the face of chaos
Always ready to battle the sane another day

Crazy is all that is left for you
Left you to die alone again here
Again your head said it was right there
Beyond and regular crazy grasp.

Why forget what we learned
Good and Evil
Happy and Sad
Simple and Complex
Sane and Crazy
We all learned.

Why, I do care! doesn't mean what you first think, I promise. Read it again...before you rant or rave.

Monday, October 6

La Scorpio

So you think you wanna know me? - a Scorpio...Well, here you go:

Strengths: serious, steadfast, sexual
Weaknesses: depressive, worrying, escapist

Here's some advice I should take: Let the sun shine in and the light within you shine out. Don't take things so seriously. Work on leveling out your moods and see how much happiness you can bring to yourself and others. Put your singular insight to productive use. Learn to laugh more at the illusions of the world and also at your self.

likely traits: profundity, depth, kindness (to animals and small kids), giving, intense (if not volcanic), secretive, controlling, not a victim, sexually needy and demanding, sentimental, strongly habitual (behaviors are often lost only to love), fiscally irresponsible, and don't think life is worth living without struggle.

Others like me: Ike Turner, Marie Curie, Roy and Wil Rogers, Hedy Lamarr, Yanni, Sally Field, Bonnie Raitt, and Maria Shriver, and of course, Cro-Mag...among others.

Source: 'The Secret Language of Relationships', Penguin '97

Although I don't want to admit most of this, I guess I must agree.

Friday, October 3

and sometimes you're a tard

Yeah, my comments work! Yeah! - my comments work. Yeah!; my comments work...

They really really work, all the way! So please us 'em! Sorry the previous comment were lost, but sometimes, it's good to be born again.

Yeah, my comments work! Yeah! - my comments work. Yeah!; my comments work. Yeah, my comments work! Yeah! - my comments work. Yeah!; my comments work. Yeah, my comments work! Yeah! - my comments work. Yeah!; my comments work...

Sunday, September 28

Poetry for your self, and mine

Individuals, yet?

People can change, but they don't
or rather they won't, shan't
and in another rant - it's vain
or silly and rude, because
we must adapt or fade

Grow or destroy, prosper
in pain with promise and
sorrow - never hope, love, joy
without feeling a toy, raped
by all: the world, man, life

Give and take, but never
take without give, like you
As if you could try to change
I hope, wish, pray, anything
to reach, aspire, change, and

Finally become what we could
We tried together, but in our
own worlds, far apart, and
happy in trial and error, but
Always true and fun, even

When life's blue and dune
The world, life, and lord would
Give 'n give til it's gone 'n dried,
but we give so quick it's silly
and rude, but not uncommon
or lude. Maybe again, or not.

just some more old stuff...

Untitled (any ideas?)

Please let me have your stress,
pain, poison, passion, and all.

Give freely and take discretely
Enjoy all you can, why then
waste a moment in time
or a friend with wine

Things can and do and must
change always and again

You gave me a world
of possibilities 'n plan
and I drove and strove
then you blew it, but true

She had to, but why
could later be the
only way, at all
I wonder too
much, but
it's you

...Just some old lines I can't seem to get off my mind...kinda like Georgia.

Saturday, September 27


Well hell, no real results, yet. There are some more possibilities; which means a few more weeks as a guinea pig...hoping to feel better, if medications work. I have all the old symptoms, except now add, uh, explosive vomiting. I guess it's better than explosive diarrhea. But don't worry, these are just common side-effects of a new medicine.

It sounds like someone k.o.'d by George Foreman : Metaformin. But that one only scratches the surface...add the maximum amount of (calcium) antacid to counteract my favorite side effect. Then, don't forget brain fungus (whether it exists or not, the medication does)...That's singulair [montelukast sodium], doxycycline hyclate [antibiotic], meclizine hcl [antihistimine], and a nasal inhaler. But that's not all for today's medications, oh no. Now add Metamucil (though I'm just gonna throw it back up!), to help that high fiber diet. And for more shits and grins, add Wellbutrin [bupropion hydrochloride] - 'cause I must (and have!) quit (smoking) for good. Then, there's Pyrilamine Maleate, but just for this weekend. Also, I'm alternating (singular) with Clarinex [desloratadine]. Add the occasional Advil and/or Tylenol, and that might be all. But don't forget, that's twice a day, and the doses increase on a few, next week. Also, my diet is now: low salt, high fiber, low sugar, low protein, low carbohydrates. Oh, and the water, dear god, the water! Usually, I think they recommend eight, 8 oz. glasses per day (i.e. 64 oz.). Well, I double that for at least three medications. I'm not sure if I 'm making the 256 oz. per day, but I'm never without a glass of water (my house kinda looks like that movie, Signs ) or far from the bathroom (in any capacity). If I wasn't sick before, I certainly am now - yeah! : medications!

Oddly, some senses seem more attune, than usual. My sense of smell is better than it ever was, ever before I was a smoker. Yet, it only seems to be in tune with bad odors. My sense of touch is uber-sensitive; I feel nerves that I haven't felt since before I broke my arm (not to mention, the itchy-lost-limb-syndrome). My hearing is also sensitive; I can't listen to my thumpin' car stereo (which doesn't really matter 'cause I can't drive anyway). My sense of taste (preference) has returned to it's most finicky state; organic vegetarian - nothing else tastes quite right. My sight's just a little odd. It seems to be as good as ever (if not better), except for the inability to focus, or stare, without quickly loosing concentration. It's so frustrating; this could be hell. I can neither control my mind, or body. Guess I should be glad I've got such strong spiritual hold. I can't say what that is, but I have faith it's strong enough to hold me down. Sometimes, I think I'm just gonna drift away, but something tells me that it's not right, so I can come back. It's the scariest thing, almost as bad as a seizure; I'm too blurry to draw any such fine lines right now.

I don't know if the signs speak of Scully drifting in a pond, aliens, or what, but the answer's out there. I just have to find the right doctor; one who won't guess, but know. Perhaps there are men of science still out there, but I'll be damned if I can find 'em. And don't worry, for the sexist among you, female doctors have been no more helpful.

My dad's suggestion might have been the most interesting so far: give up all the other drugs, and go try some peyote. I'd still be puking, but perhaps I'd feel better.

Now, did I forget anything... saved a couple of cats out of a tree, got $ for the insurance from my car accident, and I've had more gas (yes, from both ends) this weeks, than perhaps my whole life, cumulatively.

ah..., adios!

Monday, September 22

Are we there yet?

It all comes down to Tuesday, tomorrow...

The results from my specialized Thyroid tests (anti-micromal antibodies and anti-thyroglobulin/thyroid peroxidase) should have arrived. If these tests give me an answer, maybe I can go back to school this semester. If not, more tests...

Without any relief (for over 2 weeks), I am still stunned at the inability of doctors to listen. Every time I see a doctor, I give them more symptoms. You'd think with such a long list, the diagnosis would be easier. (yet not!) I am at my wits end. I've done all the research I can - my head hurts to read. I think I know what's wrong, and I hope these tests finally prove it.

wish me luck - buena suerte!

For now, I'll remain dizzy, weak, nauseous, fatigued, confused, incapable of deep thought or memory, and miserable....And those are just my usual symptoms. Sometimes it gets worse, like with a ringing in my ears. No matter how still or quite I can be, my head and ears will not be still or quite. No fair!

If only I could drive, I'll feel so much better. Well, at least the poison ivy is almost gone; I'll be able to work in my yard again. Driving or gardening may not give me relief, but these are two things I enjoy most - without them life sux! They make me feel better than the doctors.

Saturday, September 20

the best new horror film, yet

House of a 1000 Corpses just keeps gettin' better, every time I see it!

Monday, September 15

See it, even if you don't like it

Once Upon a Time in Mexico...rules!


I guess it's about time I let everyone in on my sickness. It has overwhelmed my life. I don't think I'll finish school this semester, but more importantly I don't know about getting better. I've had about all the medicine, rest, and liquids I can stand, but my head still feels the same. I have distatste for everything I used to like (drinking, smoking, eating, etc.). I'm constantly confused, and easily distracted, and by nothing at all. I think I know what it feels like to lose your mind, I just hope I can get it back (soon!).

Of course, there are plenty more symptoms, but I won't bore you with that now. Rather, I'd like to say I also have Poison Ivy, again; now, it's on my face.

As if I needed anything else, I also had an erie car wreck. It was one day before the 1 year anniversary of my last wreck (9/5/03 - 9/6/02). The erie part is that it was the same spot on the car: front right bumper and lights. The estimate guys where blown away that I could guess such exact figures (a girl, and without a computer).

Anyway, what else...oh yeah, the non-seizure. Although I did blackout, I woke up to convulsions, so that's all it was: convulsions, not a seizure. I must argue this becuase although I was conscious, I did not feel like I was in my body at all, much less in control.

Because that's how I feel most of the time: not like myself. So, I better get back to decisions (about school) and research (on diseases).

ojala, buena suerte!

Tuesday, August 26

To party or to vacation?... Both is the answer!

Wow, so much has happened in the past few weeks, and it's not about to slow down. I visited my aunt Ceci (and Uncle John, and Ryan) for the first time in years. We spent every evening in the (cool) hot tub, and our days doing a tourist's duty to the 'hot' downtown area (Dollywood and the malls mainly).

It was so much fun, until Robert's car had trouble. I think the car (and it's decision for the air conditioner to quit working) was just the cutest bit of roadside service (i.e. annoyance) with which I've ever been involved. We successfully got home, but not without being greasy and sweaty, and broke.

However, I think I've gotten the most pleasure from simply having time to work around my home (notice, not house). The more I do the more it feels like me. It feels so good to be home, settled - after moving over 20 times in my relatively short life.

Then, Lanora and I had a Tori party. Although some were a few too many sheets to the wind, most had a good time. However, we must have a ton of food left, so if you're hungry (and know where I live), please come over (soon!!!).

Anyway, school started yesterday. I've got 18 hours, and I'm working 30+ hours, and I''m gonna D.J. a few hours a week, and I am to shadow someone working in my career area - documentary film making. That might be it, oh yeah tutoring...

...and then...

Saturday, August 9

DSL + kittens =

Well, I've let another month slip by...I've only got 2 weeks until school starts - bummer. Anyway, life's o.k. I've been working (cleaning mostly) around the house. It's so neat to have a know that the improvements that I make are mine.

I do however have a minor problem, room mates - they've all left. It's just me a Lanora. With all this space, we can think of only one thing to do ... get a room mate? Nah!...throw some parties.

It's time to make this house feel like a home, ours. Any way there's still 6 of those kittens.

I've upgraded from cable to DSL, for the internet. I'm thinking of doing the same with the regular cable...satelite, mmmh? Anyway ...

Friday, July 11

Pirate's'll Save me

ok, that's what finals are like - 3 weeks of being lost and buried. I broke an old record: sleep, or the lack thereof. My past record was three days without sleep, and I covered that with five full days without it. My long term record was for a 2 week period, a total of 53 hours: my new record is 48hours. That is, I only slept for almost 48 hours total, over the course of 2weeks. That's a average of less than 3.5hours per night. Based on the optimal 8 hour sleep pattern, you could say I added over 63hours to my 2weeks.
After the first 3 days, it became much easier. The downside is that towards the end, I became delusional. More than usual, even. I almost could not control day dreams. They overwhelmed my waking senses - I think that was scariest while driving.
Now I know what you wondering - is it worth it? Well, all my grades aren't in yet, but I'm confident that I might have failed a class without all of that extra time. There's not many things that I'll sacrifice sleep for, but ETSU is certainly a valid priority - for me, anyway.
Now, movies: Pirates of the Carribbean and 28 days later... Both were excellent. Two of the best films I've seen in a long time. Take the kids to see a laughable - drunk Johnny Depp pirate character. And for those who like dystopian or horror flicks, 28days does not disappoint.

Wednesday, June 18

God's Pen ... the original (neither a prequel or a sequel)

Wow, it's been awhile, again. Anyway, I've been busy. I quit Blockbuster on Friday. On Saturday, I went out of town to see Cyn. Sunday, except for the wait at Ruby Tuesday's, was a great father's day. On Monday and Tuesday, back to class. On Thursady, I have a midterm, so I can't blog long...but here goes...

Today's subject: acronyms. I'm always using them, especially for remembering psychological jargon. The other day, I came across an acronym when I wasn't even looking. Before, you call me crazy, just listen. I was soul - searching for what really mattered to me. I remembered some things that I had forgotten and I appreciated some of the things I have, more.

Anyway, the acronym: GOD'S PEN. First, ghost. My first dream career was parapsychology. I guess I forgot becuase it seemd so unreal, but now it seems wrong to forget. The next letter is for oral (that's history and communication, not personal) Then there's the 'd' for documentary. I know I love all film, but the genre I want to make is definately documentary. The 's' should be obvious, Spanish. That's the background I want for my film. I prefer their film-making style by far to Hollywodd, and even to Hong Kong. Then, we get to the fun part. I wanna take these ghost stories, of old Hispanic areas, and try to help. If you believe in spirits, read on...I think that I can help find and fix ghost world drama. I know I'm no psychologist, but I have to try. And this feels so right. So from, 'p' to 'e', I'll add english to my spanish. I want to do my own translation, so that no meaning is lost - and that includes subtitles and/or dubbing. Then, to bring it all together, the final letter: 'n'. That's for narration. My voice seems to enjoy being heard - what better way (except for radio) than film is there to preserve it.

I'm not going fully Mulder and Scully, but I must admit I enjoyed their truthful/rational search into the unknown. I may have narrowed my field, and have different motives, but the goal is always understanding - for myself as well as everyone else.

Think what you will, and so will I

Tuesday, June 10's new...

It's a new week, and thanks to the spice of life, everything has changed (a bit) again. I love it when just about every damn thing is refreshing. I caught up on most of my homework for J.C. and Intra, but Monday was as jam-packed with work as the whole weekend. But it's o.k., almost all of my summer deadlines are flexible, it's pretty limber until July - then I'm free, from ETSU for a whole 7 weeks. Everyday closer just makes me that much happier - I'm so burnt out on books and papers and tests and everyday and then...

But for now, Intrapersonal Communication is full of self-awareness tests - perceptions, illusions, opinions, values, etc. It's fun, but challenging. I'm just lost in J.C. world, but I'm getting better.

Anyway, I guess the biggest news is that I've given up the job hunt. As you may (or may not) know, I've been avidly searching for a (preferably Spanish) major related job (like an internship or even tutoring), but to no avail. As I must always have a safety net, I also applied to Blockbuster. Oddly enough it took them 2 whole weeks to call me, but I think my application is still lost. I'd have to thank Lanora for that one. Of course, now, how will we ever handle 10 free rentals per week? Anyway, new job, more homework, and still scratching, so ta ta, for now, movies to watch and all.

Oh yeah, and the really interesting news. I ran into Pat Cronin, at Blockbuster (almost made me late on my first day), but we discussed a documentary possibility, and including intership credits. He said I just needed to bring him a script, which I still need to get back from another teacher (yes, my hispanic documentary script).

So, I think that fully covers most of today's excitement, buena noche.

Friday, June 6

Camping Class

Wow, what a sorry lapse. I've been busy, o.k...anyway...since last time, I've finished one summer session and began another. Also I camped outside, for the first time, since puberty this week. I got to hike somewhere new, and get more poison ivy than perhaps ever in mmy life, and all at one time, lucky me. The other big note would have to be the kittens, my room mates' cat had 7 (5 orange tigers, one black w/ a little white, and only one that looks like the mother - a calico stripe) kittens.

Now, details: I finished Speech: Family Communication; A+. Although I'd recommend this class to anyone, in any kind of family situation, My brother (Robert) and Rex (if you have to ask you'll never know) may have a different opinion. As my classmates can attest, our families have suffered through this recent 'learning experience'. Even my room mates seem weary of the subject matter. I guess the main message I took from class was that there is no such thing as a normal family - you just gotta work with what you got. You can add and delete along the way, but it's always gonna be work, conflict, and communication. Someday, maybe we'll all learn to just deal and move-on, but for now, I'll keep learning.

The next classes are History: of the Early Church and Jesus. I've only had a few days, but it all makes so much more sense now. History really is good for something - it helps us understand religion. There's gotta be some irony in there, somewhere. I don't think I could ever be satisfied with one single religion for myself, at least until I've tested/tasted all of them. But in my search outward to religions, I've become increasingly aware at my lack of knowledge with what 'should' be my own. So I think this class'll serve to remind me of just who J.C. is. And yes, that was a purposeful reference to my present hero, Jackie Chan, the modern J.C., for me, anyway. Also, you know when people faux-cough in order to say bull shit, well the 'teach' says 'Baptist' instead. I think he's lucky that most of the students haven't caught on to it, yet.

The other class is Speech: Intrapersonal Communication. Oh, is this intense. For layman, 'Intra' connotates those conversations that we have in our head. Or perhaps, thoughts could be a better word, better yet, simply, communication with only one person, ourselves. The main thing this class will require is that I pay attention, become aware of every thing, especially my dreams. As I strive to be aware of everything, these images are key in understanding. Unfortunately, my 'teach' has already dissed Freud, so I'm not sure we'll see eye to eye, but there's nothing wrong with strenthening my opinions. Also, we must do the daily diary thing. Hey, maybe you'll benefit: if I ramble more to 'teach' over the next month, my columns to you may be more thought out, maybe.

Now, hiking and camping: Clark's Creek (Cherokee area). We stayed Tuesday evening for dinner around a campfire (we= me, Cyn, Mat, and Robert). Wednesday, we awoke with Dawn and made breakfast. Those were the best damn scrammbled eggs that I've ever had. Then we (oh, I forgot the dogs: Keira, Marley, and Moira) hiked towards Buckeye Falls. Mat was the fearless leader, that seemed to have to walk waaay ahead of us. I admit I'm not always the most attentive, especially when I've had a beer, or so, but I sware I do not remeber him saying anything about a 7/8 mile hike. In other words, after merely four hours of hard hiking, we had reached half way (just halfway!), and Cyn suggested we retire. I and Robert soon agreed, because it was lunch time and we were hungry (not to mention fucking exhausted). Had I known we wouldn't be back until dark, I woulda brought lunch (not to mention walked a little more slowly). Anyway, we got to see some neat stuff. That does not include the vegetation made up almost solely of poison ivy, but it does include the myriad of salamanders, horses, butterflys, (small) waterfalls, and perhaps 3 of the happiest dogs I've ever seen. It made me wonder if they (dogs) realized how much their muscles hurt, or rather if they'd gone on until they collapsed. I'd bet the later. Anyway, afterwards (Wednesday night) I came home and read all about our trail in my little hikers-guide book. 7 miles, my ass: 10, maybe. Now, I'm even more glad we came back. However, I am glad we tried, and I can't wait to go back and finish it...just as soon as I find a sure-fire poison Ivy preventer...Any suggestions?

Well, I guess that's about it, except for the new 7. I don't have pictures now, but we did video tape the birth. So if I gain some computer savvy, maybe you'll get to see it too. Ah, recently viewed movies: 'Formula 51' - great movie, perhaps not a pfilm; 'About Schmit' - long, but worth it; 'Rosemary's Baby' - just checking, still not scary, though still eerie, and a bit suspenful; 'The Watchers' - I know it scared me as a kid, but now it scares me, as a film student - skip it even if it's for free; 'King Arthur' - (Robert's first) a high school production, where the only thing more noticable than the intricate cosutmes, detail, and film work, are the hightops...and perhaps the football game in the back ground, but it's still hilarious.

Ta - Ta for now

Tuesday, May 27

a prequel to god's pen

What if you really could capture a spirit on film? Now, of course I'm gonna have to take each word one by one, but first, let's think about that whole phrase. I mean what if! Wow, man, what if!

Anyway, my knowledge of this phrase originates with a native/indian superstition that must have roots somewhere. It'd be an interesting study for someone with a lot more free time than me. I guess I should also say that I always understood the idea to mean a live human spirit somehow being captured, but what then - did the body live on without it, or did the soul never get the pleasure of passing-on after death.

So, back to those individual words from this what-if statement. First I'll imagine (instead of the word 'you') I 'really could' chose to do such a thing to someone. I don't imagine that this is intended, that capturing a spirit was never the intention, but it's the consequences that are more valid here. It doesn't seem real that I could control another being in such a way; but in a way that's just every day life - manuvering others into my way of thinking, doing, or otherwise. Anyway, next words...I think we're up to 'spirit'. And what is that really. I thought I understood it, but not as something that could be removed by such a simple thing as film. Infact, I thought of spirit as the furthest thing from image as possible. The thing that always bothered me about Dante's Inferno or the journey into the underworld of The Odyssey was that they recognize all of the spirit faces. Well, that just seems impossible, I mean to do so in a purely visual way. 'Film', the next word, only captures an image, not a spirit, a soul, a ghost, whatever. Next, let's take film to a new level. The spirit capture idea originated with simple box+light technology; today's film is far more sophisitcated. I'd be more worried about today's methods of film capturing a sacred image than oldschool photography.

Except for a couple of articles, I think I've covered all the words, and then...I can move-on. On to the purpose for which I began this Blog: Ghost film. Well, I've said I wanted to film truth and documentary - what more captures this idea? Now, with all the previous postulation in mind, you can only imagine the possiblities. What if (there's those words again) I could actually capture ghosts on film? I mean for real though. You know, like Ghostbusters, but without all of Egon's mumbo jumbo, with simple editing, lighting, and I guess lots and lots of stock footage. The story would begin with research, mine, of a ghost story. Then, after I had amassed a satisfactory (version of the objective) truth, I could begin filming. I could begin telling the story, as it should have been done long ago. I know, I know, it's sounds really hoaxy, but go with it - that's what makes free association and imagination so great. Anyway, the next part of the tale entails the spirit in question. The 'what if' in the here-after for which we're now after. Sorry, I couldn't resist that one - say it 10 times fast I dare ya. Most spirits that chose to hang around seem to have a purpose, even it's merely unrest and'or the inability to leave. This proposed film, this documentary, this story should only exist in order to serve the purpose of the non-corpereal, not the corporeal. Anyway, priorities aligned and purpose in mind, a ghost, rather than be captured per se, maybe, could finally be set free. Imagine if all the sins of the past really could be remedied; All the negative energy turned into good; and all those tortured spirits could have their now justified fifteen minutes of fame. Wow, what if?! Maybe, someday...if it still seems like a good idea at the time. And I can find the ghosts...or maybe they'll just find me. Anyway, good night, buena noche, don't let the bed bugs bite.

Monday, May 26

blah, blah, blah

Well, it's another day. The world and I survived. I'm not, however, so sure about my web site. It seems to be experiencing more technical difficulties than not, but I guess that's just due to my inexperience. A few more days (weeks, more likely) and then maybe, I'll have worked out all the bugs.

Thinking of exterminators, we could've used one today. We had, as Dr. Suess would oh-so-happily say, a mouse in the house. Of course, with 4 cats, you know it was long-since dead by the time I found it this morning - and what a pleasant surprise to go with Cheerios. And no, they're not my cats! That's what room mates are for... and now back to wondering what web sites are for... bugs, cats, mates, sites, oh my.

Anyway, good luck if you can get here, and better luck if you get the links to work. Maybe some day, I'll even let you make a comment - if you're lucky? - are ya feelin' lucky, punk?

Please be sure to check back later when, unlike me, my site has become more well-adjusted.

Sunday, May 25

numero uno

This is the first, so I guess it should be the worst.
Then, I can only get better from here, right?
Aside from home work, I really have nothing to complain about.
Aside from seeing Identity, life has had nothing of terrible interest recently.
Pero, asi` es la vida!