Wednesday, March 10


I would like to begin with this... I am riproaringlyfecking thrilled to no end that I (edited for content) this fookin' piece-of-shit revolting movie. It's work like this that exemplifies why no talent hacks should not be allowed to work. Anywhere. Much less in Hollywood. It's directors like this that give all of Hollywood (not to mention all film) a bad name. Fuck JamesFackDorkCameron and the Toruk he wishes he freakin' rode in on. Fuck him hard, shove it all the way up the elbow, break it off and do it again, backwards and sideways. This is only yet another example of a most incredible concept in a fully magnificent story that he could do nothing except wholeheartedly fuck. He ruins everything he has ever touched... True Lies, The Abyss, even Tifuckingtanic. He might have had a chance at going down in history with the masses convinced he had one iota of talent, but no more... no-fookin-more. What a complete and utter ineffectual misuse of millions!

Whom ever thought it was a good idea to give this putrid shallow example of a man money, not once, but repeatedly should be shot. Not just shot. Have them shot, mutilated, ripped limb from limb and eaten, shat out and blown-up. The story hidden deep within this wreck of a farce had the potential to be enlightening, balanced, and perhaps even a pinnacle of what film should be. Instead VapidFuckAssCameron chose to belittle and demoralize the (first Americans, then the world) public by wasting nearly half a BILLION dollars in this, possibly the most offensive embarrassment of the century. Maybe if we learned even one fuckin' ounce of the lesson that the film was screaming through ball gags to convey, the 'aliens' that were sent home might not have to face the unsettling fate that we are all doomed to experience. Maybe this is a possible reality, but the downside is... WE lose. That's the fuckin' message... we have no soul, no green, no connection because we are too consumed WASTING MILLIONS on a useless tritefest like this. Maybe instead of making this shit-flick, he could have donated this money to a useful charity... one that does something viable for the earth, the people, or the intelligence of mankind. For that kind of money I could have made a THOUSAND films each with meanings deeper than the endless-ignoramus-pockets funding yet another TaintCuntMasterCameron repugnant, counterproductive, disadvantageous good-for-nothing fresh turd of a movie.

My first instinct is to erase this festering rotting decomposing pile of dung from my HD and make room for something useful, something that I will actually really use, something that anyone might remotely learn from... but no... I want to watch it again, the next time I am so low that I don't think I can get any lower, so far down in the dumps, so depressed that I am ready to end it all... then this piece of rancid repulsive crapola will be there to remind me: someone has it worse than me. Someone like tired-ass JamesTardTwatCameron is actually so blind as to what real life and value is, he doesn't even deserve to live... and I must live on, so that one day I can prove to the world just how disconcerting directors like him truly are.

How many people could we feed for half a billion dollars? How many homeless could we house for HALF a billion dollars? How many acres of wildlife habitats could we preserve for half A billion dollars? Most importantly, how many students could we teach real life lessons for half a BILLION dollars? What are the youth of today supposed to take from this film? What is the moral buried deep within this trite and laughable failed effort at yet another NutBusterCameron attempt at world domination via his ass...? That we, as a film going society have learned less than nothing. In the future we will continue to lie, steal, kill and cheat until our last breath and beyond. What we have not learned, aside from how not to make a movie... is to not trust this man with another dime, not another whim, not another overblown expendable feckless film concept.

I was so disgusted with how this LameShiteIncompetentDirector has repeatedly, consistently thoroughly ruined every film he has ever touched, I swore off Titanic. A film which was like that of Schindler's List, which targeted one of the most embarrassing and painful moments in all of human history and should have had every right to be the most endearing and beautiful re-creation of real life, real world history that man (or woman) has ever seen. (Don't even get me started on the master on no talent formulaic ineptitude that we call Spielberg, btw) When you have the kind of power and influence that is endowed with the ability to make films that not only Americans will see, but the wholefuckingworld, you do not merely have the right to give it the respect that should be due, you have the responsifuckingbility to do it proper basic justice. This platitudinous wreck was beyond sickening, almost as sick as I felt after I finally relented and saw Titanic (more than 10 years after its inception... even though a legally purchased copy was allowed to survive in my presence for the majority of that time) I probably would have been better off if I had trusted my better judgment and turned both of them off the first time it made me say 'I expected that'. The audience should NEVER be able to expect what is about to happen, never ever, ever. The power of a good story-teller is to keep the public guessing, keep them wanting, craving more. If I had paid to see this in a theater, I would have headed to the lobby and demanded my money back immediately, based on the fact that this was no piece of film, this was a piece of notevenproperlyrecycled garbage.

If you remember my fifteen minute guideline from one of my last, far more pitiful attempts at a film review, then I bet you can guess how long this one took to disgust me. Nanoseconds... is that even a real word? If not, it is now... thankfuckingyou JamesFUCKINGCameron. Your filth and waste of societal attention has made the need for new more up-to-date terminology just to be able to explain to what depths your depravity has reached on this, easily your most worthless movie to date. There is no going back. I made the mistake once with Titanic; I should have known better with this one. I will not be fooled again. I hope he dies, painfully, before he his able to complete even one more shitpileload of fucktardedmeaninglesswaste of space, waste of money, waste of time excuses he would have us, the over-paying public, duped into believing to be it a film.

Film is art, preferably fine art. Art is in the eye of the beholder. Art is not regurgitated ick even single-celled organisms know better than to consume. If we are continually shown this rancor, it will be what we come to expect from all film, from all art, from all life. Art imitates life, and thus life returns the favor; and if this is what JamesAssMunchingCameron sees through his unimaginative-close-minded-jaded-rose-colored-pious-glasses he can suck my big black dick and he will like it... 'cause that's how I feel right now, royally fucked without a kiss, raped and most significantly embarrassed for all mankind, film-going and otherwise. This is a prime example of how the world view is shaped, this is how the rest of the world is able to view Americans as a blight on this planet, this is how we deem that some of the world's greatest televisual computer generated images should be harnessed in a manner that JamesMouthBreatingCameron would have as a legacy. IMHO, this film is now the numberfuckingone reason terrorists deserve to want to destroy us and everything for which we stand. Oh, he's Canadian, you say... nofuckingwonder. Go home! - before you get us all killed. Or better yet, go work for Disney... we have come to expect this brand of predictable, conventional one-sided banality from their pedestrian versions of kids' movies. Then, I won't even need to check to see who the director is, that film company will conveniently wrap it all up with a fluffy my-shit-smells-better-than-yours bow.

In spite of the mundane lip service treatment JamesShitMeisterCameron gives the depth of story that this unoriginal shitfest could have, or should have, evoked as potentially one of the most masterful films of all time, the special effects department did well (as well as can be expected, all things considered). Hopefully they made a minor shitload of money and take something useful away from this insipid film. Because I see no other viable option for any good to come from this stale-ass movie. He not only just made Aliens again, but made us pay (more) for it again, but now also he has soiled Sigourney Weaver. Not only does he demonstrate how we will fuck our future, fuck every alien we encounter, but also that we will do it over and over again, with no regret... and not even bother to disguise it as anything other than the uninteresting, uninspired, undeserving flat tripe that it is. It troubles me deeply that we, today's film-goers have not enough cojones to boycott something as weak and irresponsible as this.

So, let's see... to recap... the bottom line: Half a billion dollars translated into non-American speak... that would be about 307 Million British pounds, 344 Million Euros and in South African Rands, it's 3.7 Billion. Does the conversion make it any more disgusting?

And now to the stars (one out of ten) rating. I give it one star for the special effects. I detract half of that single star because although JamesStockFootageClich├ęCameron has repeatedly shown his exhausted ass - something I have come to expect... but, Sigourney Weaver, she should have known better. Then, I can relent to allow it to have that half star back again... 'cause Neytiri is hot. And no, I am not bothering to link it. This ridiculous dung heap is not even worth all the effort I have already put into this explanation.

Oh wait, did you say James Cameron? I thought you said John Carpenter. My bad. The end.

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