more movings

I should update this site more, then you might actually think I have an interesting life.

Today tale: I've moved again. No, I didn't just repost, again... I moved another hour away from the old homestead.

It was odd traveling home for Thanksgiving this year, to my dad's... I've never driven so far before. I'm a full three hours away, and yes, it's too far for me, but at least it's not half a world away -- just a day's journey.

The new place is practically perfect in every way. It's an old log cabin on the edge of the city. It actually gives a good meaning to the term: quaint. I'm not sure if I or my aminals are more satisfied with it.

My first journey exploring the property found my fave ol friend, Poison Ivy. I'm covered in it, as usual. This is the fifth time, just this year. You would think I'd have developed an immunity to it by now... it's just not fair.

Half of my stuff is now unpacked, so I almost feel at home... but I'll continue to settle in nicely. It's way more space than I've had in a LONG time, so it's nice to spread out and even consider buying new furniture to fill it.

I apologize for the lack of updates on this site, but I do intend to catch up soon, very soon. If you've been paying close attention, you may have noticed a few minor changes... mostly additions. There must be a few dozen dead links here -- that's at the top of my list to sort and delete.

I haven't written any poetry in so long I'm beginning to think I have a permanent case of writer's block, but that's ok. I always write the best stuff when I'm low... and the fact that I can't write jack just reaffirms that I am in quite the opposite state at the moment.

The Flapper Follies business gets closer to existance everyday, it's so exciting. I think I am going to let the business take over my life for awhile... in other words, I'm not going back to school just yet. There's been talk of making a documentary film of the making of this business -- another item for which I am overjoyed. The forums attached to FF are still a bit slow to start, but steady enough. I don't expect that to get busy until the doors actually open.

Let's see, what else, what else... My mother is still insane, moreso than ever. My brother is enjoying his first semester at college and considering becoming an accountant. I haven't started my xmas shopping, nor do I plan to before xmas eve.

I live. I moved, again. Long story, later.

obligatory post

I am alive. I am still sick. I'm online much less. I'm sure I have something interesting to say, but not right now. Thanks for reading, more later.

garagevandleball

You toss it 'til there's nothing left
til the pieces are too small
to find or to pick up
just like my heart
shattered, splintered, broken
too far gone to repair
so much damage,
there's no going back
and nothing to go back to
there's no pain, only rage
there's not grudges, only forgiveness
there's no way, only mistakes
I can't help it
I can't stop it
I have no control
I have no say
I play my part
but I'm sick to death of it
I want only the best
only the peace
only the happiness
only that which they deserve
I can't give anymore
There's none left to give

I try harder
but it only gets harder
I talk faster, louder, deeper
but it only does less
fades faster
destroys more
There's no answer
no solution
no reason, only pain
Suffering should be a choice
it's a past, time
it's a tradition
it's a function of time
it's the reason no one listens
it's the purpose I try
it's the failure I find
it's the thing I can't change
it's the problem I tried
long, long ago to solve
I couldn't then
I can't now
I never will
It's up to him, only him
never me, never me, and
never me, never changes
they didn't,
they couldn't
I shouldn't

I ask if he'll learn
I cry, I beg, I yell
but it's the same
I can't do for myself
can't save them
can't save me
can't change a god damn thing
crying only hurts
wastes time, water and salt
beggin only belittles
lowers, worries, and bothers
yelling only worsens
life, love, and liberty

There is no pursuit of happiness
There is no right to anything
There is no place for more
even less, one for (insert name here)
I gave first, I gave all
I gave more, now and then
I'm done, I'm empty
I'm fried, I'm wasted
I'm tired, I'm worn

I can't, so why do I try
I want, but I can't have
I shant, any more -- not less

whaddayaknow

You are the mystery woman

Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Not Always, So Dreamy

I drempt not of you
but how to reach you
I thought not of you
but of other mistakes made
I tried to avoid you
but you're the end of the line
I wanted to see you
but you were already in my eyes
I saw both here and there
but also everywhere in between
I worried and wondered
but you smiled and stayed
I heard your voice inside
but also all around me
I felt a hug and some love
but I didn't know it

I cried until I laughed
but not with you
I lied until I hurt
but not with you
I died inside my heart
but not with you
I let some of it go
but not with you
I broke some of it down
but not with you

I forgot something, too
but not without you
I gave something to you
but not my heart
I willed something to you
but not my love
I sent something to you
but not my cares
I meant something to you
but not my words
I said something to you
but not my mind
I spelled something for you
but not your language
I wrote you a message
but not with my hand
I made you a letter
but not with my dress

I found you a way
but not on my own
I created our myth
but not on my own
I saw everything, there
but not in my eyes
I heard it all said before
but not from your mouth
I felt these things once
but not with only you
I was touched once
but not from anyone like you
I listened so very well
but not to only you

I sensed something, there
but not ever from you
I taste pleasure and pain
but not ever from you
I swallow ripe and ready
but not ever from you
I smell a true change
but not ever from you

You thought you knew me
but I knew you too
You saw right through me
but I sensed you too
You hugged me tight
but I grabbed you closer
You kissed me right
but I, even more, then
I try to move away
but it only pulls me closer
I look the other way
but it turns it all around

I want drive and run
but I must ride it slow
I want now and fast
but I must time it right
I want fury and fire
but I must ice and chill
I want this and that
but I must hold and reach
I want nothing and everything
but I must go and wait
I want before and thereafter
but I must give and take
I want forever and a day
butI must bide and waste
I want something and someone
but I must make and do
I need to stay and plan
but I will get up and go
I need to think and learn
but I will move-on and grow
I need to try and win
but I will play again

You can't have my mind
it's already spoken for
You can't have my soul
it's already said to suffer
You can't have my heart
it's already been given away
And I forgot how to find it
but not how to find you

I find you wet and rainy
but you're warm and dry
I find you loud and thunder
but you're soft and soothing
I find you thick and stormy
but you're easy and safe
I find you sunny and bright
but you're enlightening and night
I find you tranced and sweaty
but you're sleepy and clean
I find you arisen and alive
but you're in place and dynamic
I find you calm and electric
but you're refreshing and new

I feel you in the wind
I know you in the breeze
I miss you in the lack
I find you in the tickle

I think I'm ready
but I'm so very weak
I know I could
but it's so very scary
I believe, it will
but inside's so very cold

You make me so very high
I'm driven there at will
You make me so very free
I'm given the peace thrill
You make me so very drunk
I'm lost in the woods
You make me so very open
I'm found in the meadow
You make me so very sick
I'm walking on the brook
You make me so very sure
I'm talking through the air
You let me be so very
So, I let you be wary


(fyi...new stuff)

Sorry for the technical difficulties...I'll be right back....

Seeking

The quieting touch of another's heart,
The distant sound of snowflakes falling,
woodsmoke, scenting, filling the room
Knowing love is coming, soon...

Candle-glow, leaping serenely on the mantle,
singing, softly, sighing its life away,
flurries past the pane, warning
I ask for yet another morning...

I long of things I barely touch
so new, so fresh, so simply beautiful,
It might as well be across the sky
It's not free, nor am I...

A look, a glance, says more to me,
We read so much into such moments,
Than, perhaps, they return to us in kind,
But, then, who can ever know my mind...

Like a bird on wing, I rush,
Hoping for more than I think I can have
I cannot stop the wind, my friend
It was here before we were sent


...just some old stuff, I found crumpled up, in a book.

another untitled

There's a place
so well hidden
so far away
yet so near
It's a safe place

A serene place
a place where
I need to go
It holds the key
The key I need
to find my way
but to get there
I must find a key

It's not a normal key
but a very special key
this key unlocks more
more than you could ever know
There are secrets
There are truths
and there are answers

Answers, truths, and secrets
that I need to know
want to know
it's not fair
that I can't go

If I find the key
will I find me
but I'm right here
I shouldn't need a key

Love is like

Love is like a wild animal
exotic and free
tame it, and you'll feel like you rule the world

You know it's love when you actually
care enough to program your VCR.

Love is like suntan lotion. It's sticky,
it's a pain to get complete cover,
but it gives great protection.

Love is like 69 different things,
but that's all. There is nothing
else like it in all the world
when you find it, hold on to it
like the safety bar on the
rollercoaster ride that made
you puke at 8, but for some
crazy reason you just had
to ride it, again.

untitled, as usual

Please let me have your stress,
pain, poison, passion, and all.

Give freely and take discretely
Enjoy all you can, why then
waste a moment in time
or a friend with wine

Things can and do and must
change always and again

You gave me a world
of possibilities 'n plan
and I drove and strove
then you blew it, but true

She had to, but why
could later be the
only way, at all
I wonder too
much, but
today,
it's you
too!