garagevandleball

You toss it 'til there's nothing left
til the pieces are too small
to find or to pick up
just like my heart
shattered, splintered, broken
too far gone to repair
so much damage,
there's no going back
and nothing to go back to
there's no pain, only rage
there's not grudges, only forgiveness
there's no way, only mistakes
I can't help it
I can't stop it
I have no control
I have no say
I play my part
but I'm sick to death of it
I want only the best
only the peace
only the happiness
only that which they deserve
I can't give anymore
There's none left to give

I try harder
but it only gets harder
I talk faster, louder, deeper
but it only does less
fades faster
destroys more
There's no answer
no solution
no reason, only pain
Suffering should be a choice
it's a past, time
it's a tradition
it's a function of time
it's the reason no one listens
it's the purpose I try
it's the failure I find
it's the thing I can't change
it's the problem I tried
long, long ago to solve
I couldn't then
I can't now
I never will
It's up to him, only him
never me, never me, and
never me, never changes
they didn't,
they couldn't
I shouldn't

I ask if he'll learn
I cry, I beg, I yell
but it's the same
I can't do for myself
can't save them
can't save me
can't change a god damn thing
crying only hurts
wastes time, water and salt
beggin only belittles
lowers, worries, and bothers
yelling only worsens
life, love, and liberty

There is no pursuit of happiness
There is no right to anything
There is no place for more
even less, one for (insert name here)
I gave first, I gave all
I gave more, now and then
I'm done, I'm empty
I'm fried, I'm wasted
I'm tired, I'm worn

I can't, so why do I try
I want, but I can't have
I shant, any more -- not less

whaddayaknow

You are the mystery woman

Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
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Not Always, So Dreamy

I drempt not of you
but how to reach you
I thought not of you
but of other mistakes made
I tried to avoid you
but you're the end of the line
I wanted to see you
but you were already in my eyes
I saw both here and there
but also everywhere in between
I worried and wondered
but you smiled and stayed
I heard your voice inside
but also all around me
I felt a hug and some love
but I didn't know it

I cried until I laughed
but not with you
I lied until I hurt
but not with you
I died inside my heart
but not with you
I let some of it go
but not with you
I broke some of it down
but not with you

I forgot something, too
but not without you
I gave something to you
but not my heart
I willed something to you
but not my love
I sent something to you
but not my cares
I meant something to you
but not my words
I said something to you
but not my mind
I spelled something for you
but not your language
I wrote you a message
but not with my hand
I made you a letter
but not with my dress

I found you a way
but not on my own
I created our myth
but not on my own
I saw everything, there
but not in my eyes
I heard it all said before
but not from your mouth
I felt these things once
but not with only you
I was touched once
but not from anyone like you
I listened so very well
but not to only you

I sensed something, there
but not ever from you
I taste pleasure and pain
but not ever from you
I swallow ripe and ready
but not ever from you
I smell a true change
but not ever from you

You thought you knew me
but I knew you too
You saw right through me
but I sensed you too
You hugged me tight
but I grabbed you closer
You kissed me right
but I, even more, then
I try to move away
but it only pulls me closer
I look the other way
but it turns it all around

I want drive and run
but I must ride it slow
I want now and fast
but I must time it right
I want fury and fire
but I must ice and chill
I want this and that
but I must hold and reach
I want nothing and everything
but I must go and wait
I want before and thereafter
but I must give and take
I want forever and a day
butI must bide and waste
I want something and someone
but I must make and do
I need to stay and plan
but I will get up and go
I need to think and learn
but I will move-on and grow
I need to try and win
but I will play again

You can't have my mind
it's already spoken for
You can't have my soul
it's already said to suffer
You can't have my heart
it's already been given away
And I forgot how to find it
but not how to find you

I find you wet and rainy
but you're warm and dry
I find you loud and thunder
but you're soft and soothing
I find you thick and stormy
but you're easy and safe
I find you sunny and bright
but you're enlightening and night
I find you tranced and sweaty
but you're sleepy and clean
I find you arisen and alive
but you're in place and dynamic
I find you calm and electric
but you're refreshing and new

I feel you in the wind
I know you in the breeze
I miss you in the lack
I find you in the tickle

I think I'm ready
but I'm so very weak
I know I could
but it's so very scary
I believe, it will
but inside's so very cold

You make me so very high
I'm driven there at will
You make me so very free
I'm given the peace thrill
You make me so very drunk
I'm lost in the woods
You make me so very open
I'm found in the meadow
You make me so very sick
I'm walking on the brook
You make me so very sure
I'm talking through the air
You let me be so very
So, I let you be wary


(fyi...new stuff)

Sorry for the technical difficulties...I'll be right back....

Seeking

The quieting touch of another's heart,
The distant sound of snowflakes falling,
woodsmoke, scenting, filling the room
Knowing love is coming, soon...

Candle-glow, leaping serenely on the mantle,
singing, softly, sighing its life away,
flurries past the pane, warning
I ask for yet another morning...

I long of things I barely touch
so new, so fresh, so simply beautiful,
It might as well be across the sky
It's not free, nor am I...

A look, a glance, says more to me,
We read so much into such moments,
Than, perhaps, they return to us in kind,
But, then, who can ever know my mind...

Like a bird on wing, I rush,
Hoping for more than I think I can have
I cannot stop the wind, my friend
It was here before we were sent


...just some old stuff, I found crumpled up, in a book.

another untitled

There's a place
so well hidden
so far away
yet so near
It's a safe place

A serene place
a place where
I need to go
It holds the key
The key I need
to find my way
but to get there
I must find a key

It's not a normal key
but a very special key
this key unlocks more
more than you could ever know
There are secrets
There are truths
and there are answers

Answers, truths, and secrets
that I need to know
want to know
it's not fair
that I can't go

If I find the key
will I find me
but I'm right here
I shouldn't need a key

Love is like

Love is like a wild animal
exotic and free
tame it, and you'll feel like you rule the world

You know it's love when you actually
care enough to program your VCR.

Love is like suntan lotion. It's sticky,
it's a pain to get complete cover,
but it gives great protection.

Love is like 69 different things,
but that's all. There is nothing
else like it in all the world
when you find it, hold on to it
like the safety bar on the
rollercoaster ride that made
you puke at 8, but for some
crazy reason you just had
to ride it, again.

untitled, as usual

Please let me have your stress,
pain, poison, passion, and all.

Give freely and take discretely
Enjoy all you can, why then
waste a moment in time
or a friend with wine

Things can and do and must
change always and again

You gave me a world
of possibilities 'n plan
and I drove and strove
then you blew it, but true

She had to, but why
could later be the
only way, at all
I wonder too
much, but
today,
it's you
too!

So, I posted this before....I still love it

It was a perfect year
all the normal elements
summer, winter, spring, and fall
rain, snow, sleet, and sun

The flowers bloomed and left
The skies dried then wept
Beauty came and went
Love seemed heaven sent

Joy and pain were hand in hand
hate and deception grew in every man
war and peace mingled as one
children did it all, adults only attempted fun

The grasses grew strong, but mild
vicious animals roamed in the wild
the days are long then short
seems every human must attend a court
Disarguments in land and air
as simple as a boy cutting a girl's hair

It's always the same
though at times we create a different name
But we all take it all in stride
it's getting worse everyday
but we won't change, I'm sad to say
Just be true to your nature and soul
Don't worry about how the words unfold

bet you can't guess the title (I know I can't)

He gives pleasure, when she allows
He goes as he pleases, with and without her
She gives trust and lust, a must

She goes above and beyond
just for fun, also below
the belt, even around the eyes
she will as she must, rather as

He makes it so required, or
needed for him, she'd do
Right now, never right
Good, but never great
Intense but never enlivening
Fucking amazing, but never love

And in the end, it's all we need
but we'll never have enough,
or maybe it's too damn much
I can never seem to tell which

He decided his fate, set in stone
She saw a slight glimpse, a sign
From a sign, a signal, but only
if he thinks and she thinks
and she drinks as he drinks

The world must always have
both to be balanced, at peace
her joy could be, but his'd never
She'd tried until she died
He'd have a head full of lies
The world won't watch while we wait.

You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.


What kind of kiss are you?
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Dreams

dreams are a funny thing
They make you think
I can't decide,
but no help will arrive.
All has failed
in thought.

I beg,
I plead,
I need to know!
Do I love him so?
It seems so possible, but I just don't know.
I think I do, but how?
Could it be
that this is so true,
my love for you,
that I can't realize.
I don't know,
It's my only explanation,
I need another,
I think.

Let me dream of fairy tales
in far off lands
and of happy thoughts,
or even war,
but not love.
Inside, more hurt
comes from love.
If I love you
and you die in war,
I die inside.
If I love you
and you are but a fairytale
I die inside.

Love causes such hurt.
Why does it seem so damn great?
What was last night's conversation about?
Did he speak of me, no of course not.
But why do I still think so?
Because I do!

What about the other,
no, I'm not over him.
Or is that the cause,
my ignoring him,
and looking to another.
But why him, he's taken.
I can't,
I must forget it.

Please never let me
dream a dream of love.
I want to dream
of a happy place,
without love.
Lovers may be happy,
but not forever.
So for my for ever,
let me dream away.
Away I fly to a happy time,
in a happy place,
with happy people.

All the Same One

The ones I know
are all the same
I must know
for whom I search
if he's repeated
seemingly endlessly
in my life to see,
but not save
love, but not keep
treasure,
but not reap,
the fruits of love

The nights, the same,
an A for effort,
yet always the same
out with the boys
and just a few drinks,
but always more
- too much
more of the same
ole ball 'n' chain
at work for love'll
drive anyone insane

Music played,
bells, chapels, birds,
whatever; it was,
it's over now
I never tried
so hard, or
wished so much,
and begged, even
more, for one more
favor for us

The world,
the spirit,
the mind, his only way
her only dynamism
cats and dogs
alive and gone
above and below
it all can only fit,
always and
in every way,
but in no way at all
at peace,
with joy,
or above alone.

I think this is the weirdest one I ever wrote...not sure why, though

Why do I care?

We all learned
good and evil
happy and sad
simple and complex
sane and crazy
why forget what we learned.

Good is the first true side
the side to fight for, or
the side to die for, and
the good is that we yearn.

Evil is the other, always the other
the other choice to ponder
ponder in this way to reach it
it is the evil in us all, always.

Happy is a lost place
A place to settle down
settle down in a state
of only the happy mind's desires.

Sad is the most real
reality exists more in the physical
escape the tangible for this
sad abstract protoconcept that isn't

Simple are the little things inside
Things that are inside everywhere
but to you, no where at all
All of the basic simple cores ain't so thick.

Complex is what we all make it
You stay and fight, and die
but do you ponder ever, settle down
or just the ruler complex everywhere.

Sane finds you on a sunny day
Days, months, decades, or so
Your right hand man in the face of chaos
Always ready to battle the sane another day.

Crazy is all that is left for you
Left you to die alone again here
Again your head sai it was right there
beyond and regualr crazy grasp.

Why forget what we learned
good and evil
happy and sad
simple and cpmplex
sane and crazy
we all learned.

Why do I care!

What's the difference between blue and green?

A cozy place to lean
and a few too many spirits

Yellow and blue could've been made,
yet, green, they did not see.

They were so very afraid
and determined to not be,

They will away change and
challenge coming together.

Neither would communicate
nor just accept any fate.

If they were to never bother,
green, their world may ne'r be,

Lives a lone color,
and dies from a partial color.

And that'd be such a sad land
no green, if yellow and blue fear its life


written by a monkey

better than regular, I guess

kinky isn't a feather...its using the whole damn
chicken! and you kno it. you are so kinky that
even you are afraid of yourself sometimes.


What type of SEX do You enjoy?
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quizorama

You're GI Joe with the Kung Fu Grip!! You're
strong, tough, and know how to kick some ass.
Don't forget though, no matter how manly you
think you are, you're still just a doll. God
Bless America.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
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yet another nerdy quiz

I am Takashi



You
may be a bit of an outsider but you are generally up for a good time
and usually go with the flow of things. Some would say you are little
obsessed with women and many women would agree.




Which nerd are you???

thanks again, for another silly quiz from the Musing of a Philosophical Scrivener

sick little monkey

French Guard
I'm French! Why do think I have this outrageous
accent, you silly king-a?!


What Monty Python Character are you?
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I love being a dragon

Dragon:
Dragons are very mysterious creatures who often
live alone in caves with hoards of gold. You
keep yourself from others and contain many
armoured plates for defence. However, you will
be kind to others if they are kind to you. You
are very thrifty and rarely waste any money.


What Mythological Creature Are You (Many Results and Beautiful Pics)
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stupid quiz, nice answers

Your: Happy eyes! Your cheerfull, bright and always
want to try something new. Your inquisitive and
quite lovable. You have many friends and will
succseed in life.


What type of eyes do you have?
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But I always pick the crazy ones....hasn't worked, yet

CRAZY ONE. You need crazy partners. You dont mind if he/she takes alc or drugs or smokes he is not allowed to be boring. Open-Minded for everything our partner should spent much time with you. Your partner shall be spontaneous and love danger. It is not that important if she/he is rich or if he/she cuts his nails she/he must follow you. You take the domination over the relationship, you decide most of the times where to go. If the sex is not good (any more)you quit the relationship. For you it is better to leave than to see your love restrained.

~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need?~
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red: sounds painful

Your Heart is Red


What Color is Your Heart?
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here's Johnny

Weird,Funny and Adventurous


What JOHNNY DEPP you are?
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but I'm whitey...

Your the slang word nigga. everyone and everything
is one. please use carefully!


Which slang word r u?
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film fun

I guess it's about time to say, yeah, I'm still alive. Lucky day, eh. The documentary's done (mostly); we can't stop being perfectionists, but we've already shown it twice. I know I should be full of details about it, or the party following it's premier, but nah....I'd rather tease (and I'm kinda tired of it all). So, you can look forward to more details soon. For now, yeah, school's out.....and for once, no summer school. I've been at ETSU for 4-freakin' years, and haven't had a summer off, yet. Of course, at this point I'm not sure if I'll ever go back (half-joking)......now, that people are practically begging to buy a copy of my documentary. I'm still stunned. Also, we got an offer today asking how much we wanted to show it at UNC. I doubt it's serious money, but it was a nice offer.

haven't one of those yet

You should be dating a Libra.
23 September - 22 October
This mate is artistic, refined, loving and
romantic. Though the balance of Libra can
display manipulative, overbearing and indolent
traits, this mate is sure to be a passionate
addition to your bed.


What Zodiac Sign Are You Attracted To?
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Does that mean Kirk and Candice are my kids?

James Cameron


Which B Director are you?
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look a different pic...

Tomboy


What's your sexual appeal?
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d'huh, y'all keep 'em straight up there

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
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I don't feel that way, but maybe I do write like that....

You're an Angst writer!


What kind of writer are you?
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crush cake?

You are a Anniversery/wedding cake ~ You're in love
with a bf or you have a major crush! Love seems
like it's been infront of things no matter
what, maybe even once in a life time things.
You're a dreamer or a devoted lover. If you
like your relationship or you want to go a step
closer with someone.. keep up the good work,
cause love is your big factor in your life!


What kind of celebration cake are you? (best with gurlz)
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I don't even fit in, at home, damn y'all

Oh Man, there is no way in hell you're a redneck?
RATE


Are You A Redneck?
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Silly me.....thinking I was Chinese

SAMURAI. A samurai is a soldier of mainly only Asia
but there are other different kinds of styles
there is a samurai, a ninja, a kung fu artist,
and there is a chia chi kung. Those are all the
natural styles of martial arts that I know at
the time. The samurai's weapon is a sword, the
sword is very sharp on one or both sides of the
sword.Samurai's are really close to family,
friends, and tradition. Samurai's have great
disciplin and have the mastery of the sword.


WHAT IS YOUR INNER BEING
brought to you by Quizilla

awww, isn't that special?

Reincarnation: You are nice enough to go to heaven,
but Earth won't be as fun without you. So you
shall come back as someone or something else.
As a real optimist and lighthearted person, you
always see the good in things. People probably
respect you for your wonderful personality and
love for life. People like you make the world a
happier place (please rate my quiz)


**Where will you go when you die?**(now with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

how mushy!

Love. You Truly Desire Love. You long for someone
to hold you and take the pain away. You haven't
been in much relationships or you need to work
on how to handle them. You always seem lost in
a daydream about the person you care about
most.

PLEASE RATE


What Do You Truly Desire? *PICS*
brought to you by Quizilla

Does mean I'm Chuck Taylor?

Sneakers- funny, laid-back, and goofy, you love to
make people laugh and have a good time. You
enjoy comfort and don't care to much about what
people think of you. You like to hang out with
your buddies and just have a good time. [please
vote! thank you! :)]


What Kind of Shoe Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Well I'm not, but all my ex's are.....

Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis.
"You do not know the power of the Dark
Side." There are two possibilities: you
are a Star Wars geek, or you are unreasoningly
scary.


Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

TFM!!!STREAM!!!!

In my coming of age internet experience, I've tried lots of interesting new things: forums, radio streams, blogs, etc. But today, I have found the coolest thing ever! EVER! In case you haven't notice the first few links (all for The Floating Men) on this page, I can promise they're pretty damn important (at least to me and hundreds of other fans). So, now life is finally complete....with a TFM stream. Here try it, and I promise you can list for more than a day and never hear the same song. Yes, they've been around that long. So, if you haven't heard them, there's no excuse. And it's never too late to change....TFM stream ......enjoy!

You are the grammar Fuhrer. All bow to your
authority. You will crush all the inferior
people under the soles of your jackboots, and
any who question your motives will be
eliminated. Your punishment is being the bane
of every other person's existence, because
you're constantly contradicting stupidity.
Everyone will be gunning for you. Your dreams
of a master race of spellers and grammarians
frighten the masses. You must always watch your
back. If only your power could be used for good
instead of evil.

What is your grammar aptitude?
brought to you by Quizilla

mysterious

Seven is sometimes considered as a mystical and magical number because of the biblical seven days of creation, and the seven heavenly bodies of ancient astronomy (i.e. The Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Saturn, and Jupiter; they hadn't seen the others yet). You are understanding, perceptive and bright, and enjoy hard work and challenges. You are often serious, scholarly, and interested in all things mysterious. Originality and imagination are more important to you than money and material possessions. However, you can also be pessimistic, sarcastic, and insecure.


What does your name and arithmacy say about you? (some simple knowledge of adding is required on your part)
brought to you by Quizilla

Surprise...surprise, surprise, surprise

We got another nice surprise filming today. At the Embree House , we met the owner who had tried to contact us. She filled us in on some of the history and the stories and so on. It was so much more than we expected. We thought he was mainly known for his Abolitionist newspaper in the early 19th century. Rumors, of course, suggest that he was also part of the Underground Railroad . Either way, he's a still a most positive aspect of Appalachian and African American (it's just seems right without the hyphen) relationships, and i.e. still within the documentary's scope. Also I filmed some churches, a school, and (for dramatic-geographic significance) some train tracks. Pretty good for Spring Break, eh.


And now more than ever, I want a stone house. That place was more than 2 centuries old and still so magnificent.


....stilll waiting to hear about local t.v., but we have started a local controversy (at least for people who read tiny edits to the editors buried on page 10A). More than ever, glad I'm not a journalist.


Hasta Luego
toys

What's in a name?

VERONICA, ST. According to the most recent version of the legend, Veronica was a pious woman of Jerusalem, who, moved with pity by the spectacle of Jesus carrying His cross to Golgotha, gave Him her kerchief in order that He might wipe the drops of agony from His brow. The Lord accepted the offering, and after using the napkin handed it back to her with the image of His face miraculously impressed upon it. This, however, is not the primitive form of the legend, which a close examination shows to be derived from the following story related by Eusebius in his Historia Ecclesiastica (vii. 18). At Caesarea Philippi dwelt the woman whom the Lord healed of an is~sue of blood (Matt. ix. 20), and at the door of her house stood, on one side a statue of a woman in an attitude of supplication, and on the other side that of a man stretching forth his hand to the woman. It was said that the male figure represented Christ, and that the group had been set up in recognition of the miraculous cure. Legend was not long in providing the woman of the Gospel with a name. In the West she was identified with Martha of Bethany; in the East she was called Berenike, or Beronike, the name appearing in as early a work as the A cta Pilati, the most ancient form of which goes back to the 4th century. Towards the 6th century the legend of the woman with the issue of blood became merged in the legend of Pilate, as is shown in the writings known in the middle ages as Cura sanitalis Tiberii and Vindicta Salvatoris. According to the former of these accounts Veronica, in memory of her cure, caused a portrait of the Saviour to be painted. The emperor Tiberius, when afflicted with a grievous sickness, commanded the woman to bring the portrait to him, worshipped Christ before her eyes, and was cured. The legend continued to gather accretions, and a miraculous origin came to be assigned to the image. It appears that in the ,.th century the image began to be identified with one preserved at Rome, and in the popular speech the image, too, was called Veronica. It is interesting to note that the fanciful derivation of the same Veronica from the words Vera icon (ei,cd,p) true image is not, as has been. thought, of modern origin, since it occurs in the Otia Imperialia (iii. 25) of Gervase of Tilbury (fi. 1211), who says: Est ergo Veronica pictura Domini vera. In several churches the office of St Veronica, matron, is observed on. various dates.
See Ada Sanctorum, February, i. 44957; L. F. C. Tischendorf, Evangelia apocrypha (2nd ed., Leipzig, 1877), p. 239; E. von Dobschutz, Christushilder (Leipzig, 1899); H. Thurston, The Stations of the Cross (London, 1906). (H. Da.)
and of course, here


Veronicas
Family: N.O. Scrophulariaceae

The genus Veronica includes some of our most beautiful native flowers, the Speedwells, which differ from the other British Scrophularicece in having only two stamens, which project horizontally from the rotate, or wheel-shaped corolla, which has only four unequal spreading lobes, the lower segment being the smallest, the two posterior petals, according to the theory of botanists, being united into one large one. The numerous species found in England have generally blue petals with dark diverging lines at the base, though in a few cases, pinkish flowers are found.
All the species of Veronica possess a slight degree of astringency, and many of them were formerly used in medicine, some 20 of them have been employed as drugs, those with the chief reputation being Yeronica Chamcedrys, V. officinalis, and V. Beccabunga, all natives of Great Britain; the American species V. leptandra, now known as Leptandra veronica and another species, native to Asia Minor, called V. peduncularis (Bieb.) or V. nigricans (Koch.), the root of which is used there under the name Batitjoe.
The name of this genus of plants is said to have been derived from the Saint; others say it is from the Greek words phero (I bring) and nike (victory), alluding to its supposed efficacy in subduing diseases.
genus


From the Latin vera icon meaning true image Other forms are Veronika (Lithuanian) VŽronique (French)
vera icon

flower pics

genus pics

Snow Day....'til Spring Break

It's so nice when it snows, and you needed it most. To finish out this week, I had 2 assignments, 2 speeches, 2 exams, 3 papers, a traffic ticket to appeal, and camera equipment to pick-up and shoot with, at a local Underground Railroad house (name of which is in dispute, but we'll call it Bell-Herrin-Gilliam, for short, for now). I could've done it all, but it'll sure be nice to have that extra Spring break to finish everything.

The down side, if ETSU isn't open tomorrow, no camera-stuff. But the is good news about equipment....The countdown on my computer parts is now 10:12 (anxiously awaiting RAM and monitor). Luckily they deliver in the snow, but we may see if that holds true in a blizzard.

Today's projections range from 4" to 14". It's not the size, but the distance that scares me. We haven't had a March blizzard in a long, long time, I hope this holds on for just a couple days. Unfortunately, it's melting a little right now, but there's no decrease in snowfall (predicted for hours, yet). Yeah! -- for all those who don't have to go anywhere....And good luck! -- to all those that do.

ETSU Pride

Brag, brag, blah, blah, proud, proud, yaddah, yaddah, etc, etc.....

Just in case you didn't get today's copy of the Johnson City Press, maybe this will help.


As excited as I am, I still must complain. The article doesn't make a request for local help (which we could really use) or list my number as a contact. Also I'm misquoted, not pictured, and my comments are out of context. But our names are spelled right, so, I really ought not complain. ETSU was so proud, they bought stacks of today's paper (so that all the poor college students wouldn't be left out).

Give it back, a little bit deeper....

I never knew how exciting the Underground Railroad could be. I'm probably assuming too much, but I think every time we find a little more substance to our documentary, I feel empathy -- like a slave finding the next station, perhaps. It's so hard, yet so exciting. It almost doesn't matter that Hypoglycemia has left me no energy -- just the excitement behind this story is enough to keep me going (at least that what I keep telling my self). Anyway, today's point....I was following a lead on a safe house (a station on the UR where slaves were hidden -- usually during the day, waiting for nightfall to escape). This lead ended quite abruptly, as it also turned into a whole new avenue. I began at the local paper, the Elizabethton Star , then was transferred to a larger, also local paper, the Johnson City Press . My documentary group had been discussing listing a PSA (free article) with the Press, but I hadn't had time to finish or deliver it. One reporter, and then another, and another....And they loved it! They wanted to do an article on us. I think representing ETSU is a big enough deal, but this added personal research and newly uncovered local history to a simple little story.

The moral of the tale: no matter how much I've done so far, there's always more to be found. My hope with the article is that it will turn up more leads, allow more secret history into the public, and just maybe, help change a few attitudes. My concern, however, is the negative response....Our documentary is focused on the positive aspects of relationships between blacks and whites in east TN, and not the usual behavior. Although I'm learning that east TN may have been one of the most slave-friendly areas in the south (of course, not including Erwin), there's certainly still some confederate-attitude leftover. All I can say is that, I hope this article doesn't generate burning crosses for my lawn, but rather a healthy response including mostly substantiated claims, rather than mainly family stories. From Jonesborough, Elizabethton, Johnson City, Telford, we found the most leads, but now I think we're about to find out just how big the distribution is for the Press . So, check the paper on Sunday, and call me if you can help. Wish me luck!

O.K., here it is...

The holidays were different, but great. Hypoglycemia has subsided, but is not subdued. ETSU has consumed my time, and worn out my mind, body, and soul....I'm just tired. With merely 75 hours left, I have go, I have to finish, it's so close. My house has radically changed...none of the original room-mates still live here. It's kinda weird, yet really nice. Some things will always be missed, but mostly not.

And most interesting of all: I'm finally making a documentary (for those who don't know, that's like my dream, and stuff). It's not the subject matter for which I'd planned, but something completely different. It's quite local, yet still quite diverse. The working title: Tour Appalachia on the Underground Railroad (doesn't leave much up to the imagination, but gimme a break, it is a working title). So, now the problem: researching local history....is turning into hearsay land. It's easy to find rumors/leads, but mostly they have no real ending. Most locals don't seem to want to help us with our research, but it's that supposedly liberal east-TN spirit that is main focus of this documentary. I guess these people were just plain good at hiding. Everyone's got a story, but no one's got the address or phone number. But all that complaining aside, I'm loving it -- every minute of it. Even when I find a frustrating end, it's still so satisfying just doing the work. It's the best class ever!

So, if anybody know about the underground railroad, especially in Appalachia, then lemme know. And, if anyone needs to rent a room, lemme know that, too. Otherwise, hablamos luego...hasta pronto.

technical difficulties

O.K., I know I owe you an explanation, but I still don't have time for it. All I can say is that I am almost back....just a few more bugs to work out of the ole' system. My illness is still subsiding, but I have at least a year of doctor's visits. I'm currently trying to get back into school, but it's a long annoying process. Just as soon as I'm back in school, I'll become too busy for much of anything....except getting a new computer. But not to fear, your usually scheduled programming will return soon....as soon as I finish murdering a couple of my roommates.